Colonoscopy, number three…

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photo copy 32Few people can say, “Best colonoscopy ever!” but I can and I did! As I was wheeled out into the elevator to recover at home, I wanted to shout, “Hey everybody! That was just the best colonoscopy EVER!” but I decided it was more socially acceptable to do it in this manner. Do I want to do this again, HECK NO! Was it fun? Seriously, you didn’t ask that! Read on, I’m keeping it real but not real gross.

After enduring the many indignities related to colonoscopy prep, the time had finally arrived for us to embark on the final leg of this journey.

Feel free to read into the title of this post any nuance in my wording. Number three is fitting. If you don’t get it well then I guess you haven’t had a colonoscopy yet.

13. In an effort to preserve my sense of humor, I took a picture of the absolutely ginormous bathroom in the medical facility where I had my procedure. A large family could easily live there. We live in a hurricane prone area and the restroom alone should be listed as a shelter site. It is very commodious.

14. Although I no longer suffered from any burning emergency (and again, feel free to read into my wordsmithing), I visited the bathroom. No Charmin Freshmates but I bespied this miracle product that should be sold commercially. I had no need for its use but I promptly texted a picture of this to my ministry minded middle to amuse him.

images15. I am dreadfully needle-phobic. My experiences with IV’s are quite horrible. Once I endured six months of radial nerve damage in my elbow from an IV. Anxiety grips me long before the “stick.” And once the IV is in, I disassociate my arm from the rest of my body. Please tell me you know someone who does the same thing!

Plus my veins wiggle and nurses complain about the size of them. After two days of expulsion, I doubted there was any kind of liquid left in me. But praise the Lord, and I truly mean it, the nurse was victorious the first attempt. Still, I wanted to just go home and forget about the whole stinking thing.

16. This is me after it’s all said and done. I’m saving the best for last. Just wait until I share with you the nicest part of the entire experience. Few people can say, “Best colonoscopy ever!” but I can and I did! Do I want to do this again, HECK NO! Was it worth it? YES!

Pass this post along to someone you love who needs a colonoscopy. I’m a wimp and if I can do it, anyone can.

Please let me know if this has been helpful to you. I sincerely wanted to share my experience to encourage others.

Five minute Friday – friend

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photo copy 11When someone chooses to call me her “friend,” I have to catch my breath. Did she just call me a friend? It blesses one of the most tender places in my heart.

It’s like a badge of honor to move from being someone a person just “knows” to being elevated to friendship status and I’m not talking about getting friended on facebook. If I am introduced to someone, I admit I pay close attention to how they refer to me.

I know someone who competes with others on the amount of facebook friends she has. It is massively annoying. That’s not friendship.

Recently in casual conversation, I discovered a new friend of mine was having a colonoscopy three days before I was going to have mine. We have shared some personal things in the short time we’ve gotten to know each other. It meant a lot that she shared intimate details with me about the procedure.

Writing for five minutes is a treasure. Do it!

Writing for five minutes is a treasure. Do it!

To enter that private place with someone and feel safe, to laugh and be encouraged, I received a gift AND a colonoscopy. One (the person) was better than the other (the procedure) but they went well together in a weird sort of way.

I received a text from this woman at 6:30 in the morning the day of my procedure. She was checking on me. I would have assumed she was asleep but early in the morning, she reached out.

Do you have any idea what a sweet comfort it was to ask her the most indelicate questions and feel totally safe? I’m praising God for the many people who call me their friend.

Join us for a writing adventure, click here for the deets.

Colonoscopy, part two

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The colonoscopy prep continued yet I never lost my indomitable sense of humor. That’s not ever going to be flushable. Read on if you dare. I am keeping it real but not real gross.

photo copy 27Admittedly, there were many times I wanted to give up. I wanted to eat, relax, have a reprieve. I had already put it off for a year, why not postpone it a little longer? The only thing that stopped me from ruining the process was the strong desire to not have to do it again anytime in the near future!

7. Since I was restricted to a liquids only fast, I asked the Hubs if he and Ike could not eat in front of me. As picture #7 proves, this worked until I spotted him with a bowl of cereal. Since his colonoscopy is next Thursday. I might grill a steak the night before to give him a dose of his own medicine.

8. Ironically, though things were flying and that’s putting it mildly, at 7:47pm, my ability to leave the bathroom for more than 10 seconds was realized. Someone on Survivor ate a bite of pig brains and I contemplated the contestants’ bodily functions in between experiencing my own. “Wow, they must have a lot of diarrhea and other intestinal issues,” I mused in empathy.

9. Following a worthless night of sleep, I chugged another 16 oz. of the solution and swigged an additional 32 oz. of water.

10. Chills went up my spine and I braced for the next round of activity around 6:26 in the morning. A friend sent me a text telling me she was praying for me and we shared another bowel bonding moment.

"I'm not having a colonoscopy in the technical sense but I'm back in Ranger School so it's almost the same thing!"

“I’m not having a colonoscopy in the technical sense but I’m back in Ranger School so it’s almost the same thing!”

Weary and irritable. I pondered the fact that my Soldier had begun Ranger School that EXACT SAME morning. When I had informed Nate of my colonoscopy, we had chuckled a few days prior. “Mom, basically I’m going to be having the same thing done to me on that day!” Oh how I love that kid!

11. Back to those Charmin Freshmates. Truly a Godsend. During my experience, I wondered if I might go through the entire box. When feelings of guilt or indulgence came my way, I told myself I deserved such extravagance. On this morning, Charmin Freshmates were the equivalent of me eating a bowl of slightly melted vanilla bean ice cream with salted caramel sauce enjoyed with an unsticky spoon and that’s saying quite a lot!

12. Then everything settled down at 8:40am. You don’t realize how full of it you are, until you aren’t. I had no more to give and I’ll spare you the biological details.

I’m proud of me for taking care of myself! Send this post to a loved one who needs a colonoscopy. They can do it!

7 things an honorable guy wants in a woman – what my sons say

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Two clueless people decide to get married. Engaged in France 1986

Two clueless people decide to get married. Engaged in France 1986

When I was single, I had my own list of husband qualities.

My future husband had to:

Be ambitious

Be a guy with low anger and rage issues

Love God

Own a set of pots and pans

Do his own laundry

Spontaneously give me flowers

I knew the Hubs was “the one” when I noticed he was a hard worker who didn’t fly off the handle when things didn’t go his way. He wanted to go to church with me and used spiritual words I had never understood despite some religious training. He competently washed his clothes and one day while getting me something to drink from the fridge, he handed me a bouquet of miniature roses. Sure, his pots and pans looked more like camping equipment and he gave me roses when I prefer wild flowers but yeah, close enough.

A giant gulp lodged in my throat when he nonchalantly gave me those flowers and a cold beer. About a year later, we were married. Tulips, delphinium and daffodils still arrive at home without reason from this guy. I’m a blessed woman.

Now my boys are entering relationships. We enjoy open conversation with our olive shoots about what makes a young lady worthy of their time and attention. My prayers were answered when I married their dad. Now I pray for them and their future spouses. Here are a few things on their collective lists:

Three great guys who have high standards.

Three great guys who have high standards.

They desire a woman who:

Loves Jesus – my boys have a personal relationship with Christ, this is a non-negotiable that she know the Lord.

Is attractive and in good shape – What guy do you know who doesn’t want his friends to say, “Dude, how did YOU end up with someone this fine???”

Has a sense of humor – Not a comedienne but a witty, clever girl, you know, like their mama and stuff.

Wants a family – These guys want kids, they talk about being dads, it’s an exciting thing to consider fatherhood and they have been given a wonderful role model. If she doesn’t want children, this isn’t going to work.

Desires to take care of a home – My sons pray for wives who have a joy in domesticity and believe in the art of homemaking. It’s a shame that our world trivializes this, they are admirable and natural things.

Is unashamedly intelligent – The ministry minded middle loves to discuss theological concerns, my Soldier is a huge bibliophile. My orange hair, freckle face OS finds it annoying when girls try to act dumb. Being a smart female is very desirable to my olive shoots. I am relieved to hear them say this is important.

Has a good relationship with her family and likes us too – If she can’t get along with her family, how is she going to get along with ours? She will soon discover we are a family with flaws. If we aren’t crazy about her, won’t that just be awkward and discouraging? They are independent young men but they realize you don’t marry just the girl but the whole family.

This is just a partial list and I’m pleased to say I have thus far approved of my sons’ selections of young women to pursue. If I get their permission, perhaps I’ll write more.

Questions: If you are the mother of sons, do you ask your boys what they desire in a wife? What are the qualities they mention? Don’t you wish this was a more common parent/child conversation?

Five Minute Friday – broken

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photo copy 11The women’s Bible study on Psalms finished on Wednesday. A group of broken and redeemed women coming together each week has a tendency to make one feel whole again. The presence of the Lord was upon our time together. It became a healing and learning time for me.

The last assignment in our Bible study was to create our own Psalm.  Here’s mine and I thought this worked with today’s theme “broken.” You will probably notice the element of brokenness in my words.

Cindy’s Psalm

Stunning are your ways, O God!

When I was covered with shame, plunging headlong into the mire

Whelmed with falsity and pride

Your loving-kindness scooped me up

I opened the Book of Life

And this ugly, benighted woman became beautiful in your sight

Suppliant I became

Scribe I have become

Servant I shall forever be

Rendered helpless apart from your spirit

Because of you, I AM

Blessed through Jesus Christ

Chosen before the fullness of time, incomprehensible though it may be

Free from the bond of deception and death

Stunning are your ways, O God!

I tell ya, I go to bed on Thursday, knowing tomorrow's gonna be Five Minute Friday - that's pretty cool! Join us and see what it's all about!

I tell ya, I go to bed on Thursday, knowing tomorrow’s gonna be Five Minute Friday – that’s pretty cool! Join us and see what it’s all about!

One day, three boys

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Last Saturday, my olive shoots were in three diametrically opposed places geographically, emotionally and spiritually.

  1. My ministry minded middle was flying back to school following a two-week tour of the southwest with Moody Men’s Choir.
  2. Ike, my orange hair, freckle face guy was feeling like a ginger VIP hanging with the Chicago Bulls and his Aunt Lorri in the Windy City. Truly an event worthy of its own blog post.

    That's just Ike and his new best friend, Stacy King, former Chicago Bulls player, nbd.

    That’s just Ike and his new best friend, Stacey King, former Chicago Bulls player, nbd.

  3. And then bringing up the rear, far, far behind, was my Soldier. He called us from Georgia while on his way to Wal-Mart to make a most unusual purchase. Rat poison.

Following a most enlightening conversation with our oldest OS, I proceeded to write him a letter, I mean, what else could I do? I’m sharing the contents of this letter with you should your child ever inform you s/he is on his/her way to buy rat poison. Yes, I do occasionally refer to him as Sugar Boy.

Even if you do not identify with my children’s unique life situations, you will probably understand my mama’s heart. I ask a question at the end of this post and would love to hear from you.

Ok, here’s the letter.

Dear Sugar Boy,

We just got off the phone with you and as I look upon my dirty house filled with a million projects, suddenly the most important thing I can do is write you.

Having you as a son affords me many opportunities to pray. Having you as a son gives me an interesting life. Having you as a son means I laugh more, cry frequently, feel immensely proud while simultaneously feeling remarkably small and humble.

photo copy 8Hearing you angry and discouraged makes me want to rescue you and beat all those jerks up! Have they not encountered a mother’s wrath? SERIOUSLY! Yet this is the life you have chosen. When others went easy, you deliberately picked the gritty and tough. You can do this. One day you will be astonished at what you did and see the manifold ways the LORD gave you the strength to persevere.

Trust me learning your son was cuddled by a rat is quite odd. I incline my ear to the Lord and ask for what purpose is this happening? And then at that moment, I trust.

Allow God to fulfill the work He has set forth in your life. There is no time of day or night when I am not loving you or thinking about you. Hold firm to your faith. Do not allow tormenters or enemies to bring you down. Pay attention to the blessings nearby…that the rat scurried by and did not bite, that you have a sense of humor, that you are able to withstand more than most.

My Soldier

My Soldier

Now I will go straighten up my messy house hoping to keep the rats away as well.

Be strong, my precious Soldier and son. I love you,

mama
Question: What has being a parent to your child afforded you? How has God used your children to mold and shape you as a person?

Five minute Friday – rest

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My first and only poem to spaghetti.

My first and only poem to spaghetti.

Oh big pot of spaghetti, do not fret

Though your Ranger Soldier isn’t back yet

Soon you will feed him and bring his lips taste

He’s been eating MRE’s, licking the wrappers as not to waste

Your zest and your flavors, your love and your care

Will renew him on eagle’s wings, he will return to the training field and then you will dare

To go back into the cabinet, wishing you could have done more

Life is exciting with a Soldier to adore!

The day will fly by, be satisfied with your task

You nourished a man who will praise God for the delicious repast

"Please feed me!" "We will, Sugar Boy!"

“Please feed me!” “We will, Sugar Boy!”

So while you can, Spaghetti, get your rest

Tomorrow’s your big day, you’re truly feeding the best of the best!

Five minutes of writing, it's wonderful for wordsmiths!

Five minutes of writing, it’s wonderful for wordsmiths!

Soldier Sauce

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"Please feed me!" "We will, Sugar Boy!"

“Please feed me!” “We will, Sugar Boy!”

Today I announced to my orange freckle, orange hair olive shoot that he was going to help me prepare spaghetti sauce for his brother. Ike is on Spring Break and unlike some of his friends who are on safaris or at the beach, Ike is going to Fort Benning in a few days. Woot. There he will see his older brother, Nate who will be on an eight-hour pass from Ranger School. The entire day will be spent attending to Nate, nothing, but Nate.

So how did Ike respond to my request for kitchen assistance?

With a zesty YES as hearty as the sauce we would soon create?

or with a disgruntled hrmph like a jar of moldy Ragu?

If you said, “B” you would be correct. Ike did not leap into action. The idea of being my sous-chef was irritating to him at best. At one point, I told him that if he continued to complain, he wouldn’t be going anywhere. That caught his attention.

My intention isn’t to belittle my olive shoot and say he’s a slug of a son. Oh no.

This kid can throw down.

This kid can throw down.

Once he got his mind around the task, Ike browned those ribs and spicy sausage. My youngest olive shoot chopped that garlic, the dude mixed that tomato sauce masterfully. The annoyance that had invaded his spirit disappeared. As he made the sauce, I worked on the meatballs. Time flew by. Instead of bitterness, we savored our time together. This whole pot of sauce is for Nate.

Our Soldier has been eating MRE (Meals Ready to Eat) during Ranger School = blech! According to Nate’s letters, he is so famished, he’s even licking the MRE wrappers!

Does this not sound like a man deserving of a soul-satisfying repast?

We have been warned that he will have lost considerable weight since we saw him last. With only eight hours of rest, we have limited time to bless and refresh our Soldier. As Ike and I turned our sights from ourselves to another more deserving, the time was flavored with grace.

May this sauce grant my Soldier strength and renewal to continue on in Ranger School!

May this sauce grant my Soldier strength and renewal to continue on in Ranger School!

Oh if I only had smell-a-vision. There were many life lessons gleaned from this kitchen today. Just wondering, can you relate to Ike or me? Should I post the recipe? Do you dare even invite your boys to cook in the kitchen with you?

Five minute Friday – home

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I came home to these people.

I came home to these people.

I became a full-time stay-at-home mom 15 years ago on my husband’s birthday. I wanted to mark that significant day on a day I wouldn’t forget. March 6th is now a day of double celebration for my family.

For so long the ambition of my life was to get respect and recognition.

My observation of full-time motherhood was that it was rife with disrespect and sadness. Obviously I wanted none of that. So I had my own business, attended graduate school, practiced writing M.Ed. at the end of my name.

Individually these things are not wrong. But ultimately they were not what the Lord had for me.

On March 6, 1998, I started working for a new boss. I no longer served myself. A cataclysmic shift occurred in my heart.

God wanted me home.

With only five minutes to write, you'll have to trust me. This is what happened to me when I decided to stay home. Thanks be to God.

With only five minutes to write, you’ll have to trust me. This is what happened to me when I decided to stay home. Thanks be to God.

When I made that decision, priorities changed. My three olive shoots no longer attended day care or after school programs, they returned home to me. The significance sought outside in the world, was comfortably discovered within. Parts of me I had long denied began to blossom.

Within my home

Within my soul

There are times when I don’t always feel appreciated but I felt that way in the business world as well. This is where I belong. Home.

We rock one word for FIVE MINUTES! It's the best! Join the fun!

We rock one word for FIVE MINUTES! It’s the best! Join the fun!

Pleasure and fulfillment rest with my decision, something I will never regret.

Five Minute Friday – ordinary

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My boy is working on getting his Ranger tab.

My boy is working on getting his Ranger tab.

There is nothing ordinary about Ranger School. Some describe it as an intense 61-day combat leadership course. It has been called the “toughest combat course in the world” and “the most physically and mentally demanding leadership school the Army has to offer.” This is all true but for me it’s where a piece of my heart now dwells because my son is there.

On Wednesday night starting at about 9:00 pm, those who had made it through the first few days of grueling initial training, started a 12 mile ruck (Army slang for march) that ended at about midnight. From all accounts it is a brutal trek.

And I see the Lord’s hands upon my Soldier. When he was about eight years old, the Hubs and I were watching tv. Nate had his prayer journal nearby and was writing.

Not many eight year old boys even possess a prayer journal but my oldest olive shoot is extra-ordinary. He inquired, “How do you spell Hallelujah?”

This kid is well beyond ordinary and I praise the Lord for that!

This kid is well beyond ordinary and I praise the Lord for that!

The Hubs and I just looked at each other dumbfounded.

Who was this kid? How did he get to living in this house with us as his parents???

These moments became rather ordinary, Nate doing things in a remarkable and humble way.

Things most people can’t do or choose not to and there Nate is plodding away, his eyes on the prize.

Academically, athletically and most importantly spiritually, my olive shoot presses on, marches on.

Nate’s ordinary is everyone else’s incredible.

Bless him and all those who are joining him on the journey.

It's like getting a little word present every week. You should check it out!

It’s like getting a little word present every week. You should check it out!