In spite of a raging root canal infection developing
In spite of her own emotions and needs
Kelsie was there for me…
We sat together, observed the Salvadoran wedding ceremony,
I think I even put my hand on her lap just because it felt good to have her near
I did not feel alone anymore. We haven’t been family for all that long. She and Aaron have only been married since May but her kindness embraced and ministered to my spirit.
Though I told her that I was her project for the evening, I didn’t expect her to take it seriously. Or to do it cheerfully. For someone so new to the care of feeding of a mother-in-law, Kelsie is a pro. That night, our entire family welcomed a new dear one to our family together.
Lu became Kelsie’s sister that night. Lu became another daughter for me to love.
I’m one blessed gall bladder.
Thanks be to God. Thank you Lord for noticing me and for using a special girl to offer me things I needed.
Today I am sharing the message I spoke to my son at the rehearsal dinner. My intention for making it public is because it is testimony of God’s faithfulness. The Lord gave me confident and courage to speak from my heart after a period of great struggle.
From the day my middle olive shoot was born, Aaron has done things early. His due date was September 7. This was perfect because my wedding ring was diamond and sapphire – April and September. It all was going to fall into place so nicely!
But then I felt cramping in my stomach and on August 30, just two days shy of September, Aaron Xavier entered our world.
And that’s the way it’s been. Aaron talked at an early age, went to kindergarten and high school as one of the youngest in his class. He turned 18 while at Moody Bible Institute, the only thing he didn’t do early was potty training but that’s all figured out now thank you very much. 🙂
All of this early stuff was preparation for his wedding day. Based on his life thus far, nothing should surprise me about my precious boy. He is getting married 10 years before the national average for males which according to the CDC is 29.
But those guys aren’t my Spurny.
Since Aaron was a little boy, our family has instilled values, traditions and a belief in Jesus Christ. When I tucked Aaron in at night, I prayed for him. As I sat on his bed, I thanked the Lord for another day of being his mom. My heart is glad each day that I’ve had the honor and the privilege of being his mama. Of course I feel the same way about each of my boys.
One night in particular I remember specifically praying with Aaron about something very special. Not a good grade on a test or for a tooth to come loose. This night I prayed for Aaron’s wife.
We prayed for our kids’ wives throughout their time at home. I remember the Hubs doing it one day around the dinner table for Isaac. He was about six at the time and his little eyes peeked up like, “My what? My who???”
But getting back to Aaron, I remember like it was yesterday because in a way it feels like it was…
I prayed about this “mystery woman/his wife” and as I said this, my sweet little boy, he might have been around 11 years old; he squeezed me extra tight as I muttered those words next to his bed.
And on May 24, 2014, Aaron received her.
She is here. She is his. Our prayers have been answered.
Since Aaron was a little boy, we also did another thing in my family. Whenever we found ourselves doing a skill we thought would be useful in the future, we’d gather up the available boys and call it “husband training.” Whether it was fixing a toilet, hanging a nail, making salad dressing or chicken broth, ironing, mowing the lawn, boom, Nate, Aaron and/or Ike assisted in the efforts. The thought being one day you are going to do this. One day you’ll be a husband and you need to know. In some way, you need these skills to land yourself a good girl in the first place.
In the recent days, the Lord and I have had many conversations preparing me for Aaron’s wedding day. Because I serve a God of All Comfort and Compassion, there is nothing I haven’t burdened Him with that shocks or disappoints Him. God is very good like that.
And in these moments, I have come to Jesus and He has told me, “Why does this surprise you? You have been calling it husband training all these years? What were you expecting? You called it husband training for a reason. Aaron listened. Daughter, your son watched. He took it seriously. He is ready.”
Now Aaron is becoming a husband. I become a mother-in-law hopefully to be considered a mother-in-love and I desperately love my son. I am proud of him and the man he is, the husband he will be and the dad I can already imagine.
Ephesians 3:20-21 “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
My experience with rehearsal dinners is limited and I’m only three weeks into having a daughter-in-law and a married son. That’s a lot to process, lemme tell ya! So today with permission from Aaron, it’s my privilege to share the beautiful words my ministry-minded middle olive shoot shared less than 24 hours before he got married.
For a young man, Aaron’s words and reflections are beyond his chronological age. I never expected him to speak so beautifully and yet, I am not surprised at his eloquence and maturity either. Nonetheless it still took my breath away, the loveliness and depth of his words. I am a proud mama to be sure.
Aaron spoke after my husband and I both shared. Soon, I will post the words we spoke that night. But as I sat at the table that evening, I wiped away tears full of emotion and amazement.
Here is Aaron’s tribute to his bride-to-be…
My life has been pretty exciting so far. I’ve been able to travel around the world and the country. I go to college in a big city. I work at Starbucks! I mean, what could be more exciting than that?
And now, at 19, I’m getting married.
I’d say the Lord has richly blessed me.
More than I know, more than I could ever express. I could not be happier or more excited to join Kelsie’s family; I consider it such a joy. And I have no words to thank my parents and my brothers for the love they gave me and continue to give me as I get older.
Thank you to my friends, especially Caleb and John who have helped me grow over the past two years more than I could have imagined. Y’all have been with me through incredible struggle and encouraged me and advised me so much. To all of you I want to say thank you. Thank you for blessing me. I am a blessed man. I realize that continually and I realize that far too little.
The world thinks of marriage as death, as boring, as stifling. It sees the union that God creates in husband and wife and calls it the “old ball and chain.” And as a very young man getting married I may have to agree with them. Marriage will kill you and it will hurt.
But the Lord has shown me this in a different light.
The song in our first dance tomorrow attends to this. It says,“‘I do” are the two most famous last words, The beginning of the end, But to lose your life for another I’ve heard, Is a good place to begin. ‘Cause the only way to find your life Is to lay your own life down, And I believe it’s an easy price For the life that we have found.”
I was so nervous the day I proposed. I went to the bathroom at the P.F. Changs before we walked to the Chicago River where I was going to propose, the ring in my pocket. My heart was beating so fast; I actually couldn’t believe it. I had no doubt that she would say yes and I was still so nervous. I was pondering the weight of what I was about to do. I was gonna ask this girl to marry me. I really couldn’t believe it. It was such a momentous step, a leap into the unknown, this unbelievable thing that was marriage. And honestly, I feel the same way now. I have very little doubt that Kelsie will also say “I do” on Saturday. But I’m nervous stepping into this uncharted, terrifying territory that is Holy Matrimony.
But maybe that’s the beauty in it.
The world looks at the requirement of marriage that is dying to yourself with spite and malice –
I look at it and am dumbfounded that I would be so blessed to have the offer of the love and security within our marriage and to be told that what I have to do in return is to lose my life.
To gain the life that we will have together it means I must lay my own life down. The song goes on, “‘Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man So there’s nothing left to fear, So I’ll walk with you in the shadow lands Till the shadows disappear. ‘Cause he promised not to leave us And his promises are true, So in the face of all this chaos, baby, I can dance with you.”
So, in one sense I understand the world’s qualms and cavils against marriage. It will kill you, but it is the most beautiful thing.Thomas Torrance, a Scottish Theologian wrote of marriage, “When a man and a woman come together in this way, they are made to participate in the active will of their Creator, and in their union and society they reflect the image of the Holy God. In them God brings his act of creation to its fulfillment. Therefore when a man and a woman marry, God is at work doing a new thing in which they both share in their innermost being. Ever after each is unthinkable apart from the other.” Life in another, mutual self-giving, for the Moody Bible students with us, here’s a word for you, perichoresis.As Christ lays down His life for His Church, as He gives Himself to us, so it is with marriage. And that scares me, that makes me nervous. I bend beneath the weight of that calling. But it is a beautiful thing.
Kelsie is an incredible woman. I had no clue that I would ever marry a girl like Kelsie, I had no idea that I would ever see such beauty. She’s asked me before why I love her and I quickly responded, “You’re little and cute.” And that’s true, she’s very pretty.
But that falls so short of all who Kelsie is.
She is tender and feels strongly. Not high-maintenance or overly emotional but tender.
She is caring and compassionate, I am often anxious and I’ll tell her. She’ll ask me what I need and I tell her I need to be anxious with her near. I need her compassionate tenderness close to me. She is, as Caleb will quickly say, industrious. I have never seen such diligence and desire to learn about the Lord.
She is constantly reading and teaching me and challenging me. I always feel out-learned because I really am.
She is skillful and talented, at her job as a nanny, she is incredible. With three little boys 5 and under she works incredibly hard and does wonders for children who are not even her own.
She is fun. Kelsie and I are both homebodies. Most of the time we just want to sit and hang out drink some coffee, read, watch a movie. But there’s no one else I want to sit around with.
She loves Jesus, is captivated by His grace. It is a beautiful thing to see the girl you love continually encounter Christ.And she is little and cute.
That is the beauty in Kelsie, the truest beauty that comes from Christ in her. I am a blessed man, more than I will ever know, or ever feel, or ever express.
And I’m nervous about this Saturday, and for that matter, the next 20 or 30 or 100 years that we have with one another. I am blessed man but I am also an unable man.
So I pray that God will love Kelsie through me. I read that we love because Christ first loved us. So I ask the Lord that we will, in the love of Jesus only, love one another. Thanks y’all.
Here is the link to Aaron and Kelsie’s first dance as a married couple. You have to listen to it!
I was honored to share this with you, thanks so much for reading!
To see a groom behold his bride for the very first time
That moment when they first lay eyes on each other
It’s hard not to cry, isn’t it? Heck, I’m verklempt even watching Say Yes to the Dress and I’ve only personally known one bride that’s ever been on that show! Click here to watch the episode!
Yet to my surprise, when my middle olive shoot saw his beloved last Saturday morning in a church tucked away in verdant Pennsylvania
Tears escaped me as it happened in front of my eyes
Not that I didn’t find it precious and a bit surreal
But when I stood watching my son prepare to turn and step into the day and the role of husband
Times we had prayed for all these years – both just with him and as a family
It would have been wrong to cry because I just felt joy
Uncle Alan directed the photo shoot which kept the mood light which helped, thank you, kind sir!
Even after making this simple video,
It’s like after Thanksgiving dinner
When everyone is gone and I put on my pj’s. I pile my plate high with food – turkey and gravy, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, pumpkin pie, apple pie, whipped cream. That’s my moment when I truly savor the meal minus any other responsibilities.
Now I’m able to soak up all the deliciousness
The quietude allows me to absorb it all.
Less than 60 seconds
I watch over and over again, my heart full of gratitude…
How about you? A special wedding moment you observed or experienced? I’d love to hear your stories and share the bliss!
consuming, feasting on my sadness like a tick on my soul
This was the place I dwelt for months
Nearly unable to do anything but weep
A friend encouraged me to attend a weekly prayer time for moms
I agreed since nothing else was working and crying was becoming a full-time job with no chance of promotion
That’s how I entered the room at the church
devoid of all hope, ashamed of my grief and dashed dreams
Nothing but Kleenex hid my tears
Unable to even wear mascara because all it did was smudge
And during that sacred time of lifting up other moms’ burdens to the Lord
Only for an hour, nothing fancy or fake
Simply a bunch of real moms who believed
They joined me praying and understanding
No judgement or condemnation
Just love and compassion
I learned I wasn’t alone
My situation and sorrow were different but gosh, we had a lot in common
Suddenly I was able to wear makeup, laugh, see hope and promise
Nothing but the prayers of others
And the inclining ear of God
Gave me the courage to praise the Lord on a beautiful Saturday when my son and his wife were married
I wore a smile as I walked down the aisle
My orange hair, freckle face olive shoot escorted me
And I wore mascara
A silk dress given to me by one of those praying ladies
Nothing stole my joy that morning. Everythingabout this journey is testimony to my Savior God who rescues and redeems.
For you – We probably haven’t met but I pray that you are encouraged today hearing some of my story. Your cir- cumstances are different than mine but the Lord cares about you as much as He does me!
Romans 8:37-39 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Five minute Friday – a group of people who are given a word and then write about it for five (or so) minutes. Check out the other thought-provoking posts here.
Picture a teenage girl going to a Mormon youth dance. She misses her mom who’s in the hospital. It’s a weekend night. Her friend’s name is Michelle.
Platform shoes, lip gloss, a tender heart, polyester
Abba music playing in the background
This Catholic girl alight with anticipation
Who will pick me? Am I pretty? Has that pimple disappeared? More importantly, will there be enough disco music???
Then the creepiest, dweebiest guy asks me to dance. How can I say no? He isn’t cute but he’s the only one to approach.
Pressing me close to him, he slowly removes his glasses and whispers…
“I don’t need these to see you, now do I?”
Every shameful feeling a teenage girl can experience joined me on the dance floor that night
Clumsy feet step all over his until I can’t take it anymore.
I run into the girl’s bathroom, lock the door.
And upon my return home, immediately shower to remove that guy from my person.
Yeah, I’d say that qualifies as a traumatic slow-dancing event, wouldn’t you?
Since then, my slow-dancing skills haven’t improved.
Foot surgeries, knee problems, my list of excuses will impress.
It’s a standing joke with the Hubs. I can’t slow-dance, I can’t follow his lead. It’s so silly when I even try.
But more than three decades later, there’s another guy who wants to dance with me.
My middle olive shoot – Aaron
On his wedding day no less…
Did he not remember the legendary tale? I mean, I only talk about it a couple of times a year. I plead with Aaron to not humiliate me by forcing me to slow-dance in front of people. Can’t we just leave it alone?
I send him videos of moms choreographing wedding dances with their sons. Don’t they look amazing? Doesn’t that look like fun? I think we should do that, don’t you? Heck, I even work with an up and coming dj on a dance mix.
The kid won’t budge.
He wants to dance with his mama.
Tears flow after the father/daughter dance. I know I’m next.
“Aaron, I can’t do this.”
“I’m crying. I’ll look stupid. People will laugh. I will ugly cry.”
“No, Mama, you can do this.”
He takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor.
Suddenly I don’t care. I almost feel pretty. I know I feel proud.
I’m in my son’s arms.
My charming, safe and oh so handsome child. He’s a married man. Sweet melodies serenade my heart-strings.
We step all over each other’s feet.
I twirl him to lighten the mood.
He spins me around. We look ridiculous. At one point, we miss intersecting after a twirl.
It’s a hot mess.
But I cry and look deep into his eyes. I caress his soft cheeks just like I did when he was a baby.
“Oh Aaron, I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Mama.”
And then it’s over.
The music stops.
I leave the dance floor glad. Really super duper glad.
I nearly passed up this imperfect moment.
I look at the pictures afterward and reflect.
I almost got in the way. Pride and self-consciousness, as clumsy as my feet trying to move at a gentle speed, nearly ruined the moment.
But the sun had streamed on the spot where we danced. We were unaware at the time. I had no idea. Beholding the images now, God’s hand held us together.
Quite simply, despite our lack of skill, we were GRACE-ful. Not our feet but our hearts.
I feel resplendent. I feel healed. I’ve been dancing on air ever since.
Here’s my message to you moms – don’t pass up moments due to insecurity. Those times don’t come around every day.
And to you sons – encourage your sweet mothers. Take us by the hand. We get scared too. Tell us you love us and guide us to the adventure. You will never regret it.
It’s been nearly a year since my father-in-law abruptly left.
He did not die but disease and deception pulled him away.
Poof, he was gone.
No goodbye, no thank you, no I love you.
The wounds are healing. We have moved forward. We welcomed a Brazilian exchange student into our home for the school year. We now have a delightful dog. Two of our olive shoots proposed. The Hubs will enjoy a new knee in less than a month! We know how to keep things lively!
But as our ministry-minded middle announced his plans to marry, I envisioned the rehearsal dinner. I considered the food, the venue, flowers, decorations, it is one of my favorite things to do. Yet my spirit was unsettled about one major issue. How do we reconcile the fact that Aaron will probably never hear from his grandpa again? Although I will never understand the circumstances surrounding his strange departure or the vast amounts of pain this created, the Lord is sovereign. That’s the only part that gives me peace.
I do know that my FIL loved Aaron. He cared deeply about his grandkids, he was understandably proud of the men and women they had become.
That is why I included pictures of my husband’s parents’ wedding in the decorations. Unless you have been in a similar situation, you may not appreciate the significance. I also had a photo of my parent’s wedding even though my mom has remarried and my dad’s been gone for over 25 years. But positioning that little framed picture of my in-law’s on the table was like moving a boulder. I didn’t want to cause my husband any more anguish. In addition to not having my FIL with us, our Soldier would be missing the festivities due to his deployment to Qatar. The Hubs was ok with seeing the photo again, bless his incredible heart.
The placement of that wedding picture announced that the poison cocktail of Alzheimer’s, vascular dementia and deception would NEVER erase the good memories we cling to each day.
Joy and celebration conquered sadness and grief. We chose to honor and cherish.
On the other side of this life because of our faith in Jesus, we will see him again.