When I was single, I had my own list of husband qualities.
My future husband had to:
Be a guy with low anger and rage issues
Own a set of pots and pans
Do his own laundry
Spontaneously give me flowers
I knew the Hubs was “the one” when I noticed he was a hard worker who didn’t fly off the handle when things didn’t go his way. He wanted to go to church with me and used spiritual words I had never understood despite some religious training. He competently washed his clothes and one day while getting me something to drink from the fridge, he handed me a bouquet of miniature roses. Sure, his pots and pans looked more like camping equipment and he gave me roses when I prefer wild flowers but yeah, close enough.
A giant gulp lodged in my throat when he nonchalantly gave me those flowers and a cold beer. About a year later, we were married. Tulips, delphinium and daffodils still arrive at home without reason from this guy. I’m a blessed woman.
Now my boys are entering relationships. We enjoy open conversation with our olive shoots about what makes a young lady worthy of their time and attention. My prayers were answered when I married their dad. Now I pray for them and their future spouses. Here are a few things on their collective lists:
They desire a woman who:
Loves Jesus – my boys have a personal relationship with Christ, this is a non-negotiable that she know the Lord.
Is attractive and in good shape – What guy do you know who doesn’t want his friends to say, “Dude, how did YOU end up with someone this fine???”
Has a sense of humor – Not a comedienne but a witty, clever girl, you know, like their mama and stuff.
Wants a family – These guys want kids, they talk about being dads, it’s an exciting thing to consider fatherhood and they have been given a wonderful role model. If she doesn’t want children, this isn’t going to work.
Desires to take care of a home – My sons pray for wives who have a joy in domesticity and believe in the art of homemaking. It’s a shame that our world trivializes this, they are admirable and natural things.
Is unashamedly intelligent – The ministry minded middle loves to discuss theological concerns, my Soldier is a huge bibliophile. My orange hair, freckle face OS finds it annoying when girls try to act dumb. Being a smart female is very desirable to my olive shoots. I am relieved to hear them say this is important.
Has a good relationship with her family and likes us too – If she can’t get along with her family, how is she going to get along with ours? She will soon discover we are a family with flaws. If we aren’t crazy about her, won’t that just be awkward and discouraging? They are independent young men but they realize you don’t marry just the girl but the whole family.
This is just a partial list and I’m pleased to say I have thus far approved of my sons’ selections of young women to pursue. If I get their permission, perhaps I’ll write more.
Questions: If you are the mother of sons, do you ask your boys what they desire in a wife? What are the qualities they mention? Don’t you wish this was a more common parent/child conversation?
Beckett says that he wants his wife to be pretty. He’s four. That’s as far as we’ve gotten.
Catherine, that’s important! He’s got time but I sure don’t blame the guy! Keep asking him as he gets older and see where it leads!
Totally off topic – Nathan is a carbon copy of Mark!
Henry doesn’t have a clue, but I hope he one day marries a woman who delights in his strengths and helps him with his weaknesses.
That’s a very cool perspective! I join you in that prayer for your boy and mine!
What we’ve talked about is finding a woman who brings out the best in them. There are people who drag you down and there are people who make you better just by being with them. Oldest son successfully found such a woman — and she’s beautiful and intelligent to boot. Second son is on the brink of asking such a woman to marry him — also beautiful and intelligent, from a wonderful family. Son #3 is bringing home a girl to meet us in a few weeks.
It sounds like an exciting time in your family! I have been praying for my boys’ wives for years and it will be momentous when we find out exactly who they are! I hope you will share about the journey, I need to learn much before it’s my turn! Bless you and thanks for the comment Sarah!