When Nate was a wee lad, he loved Barney and guns. That is an odd combination if you ask me. Barney is creepy and I am not a gun person. Things that explode or shoot scare me more than a huge purple dinosaurs.  

I love the skinned knee, he was so proud of himself for being on top of a mountain. Holding a plastic airplane feeling like a tough guy, Nate is truly a gift from God.

As a young mom, I remember saying, “Nate, you can’t have a gun and I don’t want you playing guns or anything like that.” I tried desperately to cull his firearm fascination but to no avail. One day, Nate, being a obedient and resourceful boy, found a way to satisfy both his mama’s request and his personal interest. Astonished, I watched him take a bite off the corner of his peanut butter sandwich (with NO jelly!) and turn the sandwich to the side. He then placed his finger in the sandwich trigger and pulled the “switch” directly in the air. 

Should I then be surprised that this child would decide to become a cadet at the United States Military Academy? What’s a mama to do?

Nate is a man’s man there’s no denying it!

I’m learning albeit sometimes begrudgingly to mean what I say when I tell my boys that I want them to live THEIR lives. Even if it means they do things that are dangerous or far away, they are entitled to go where they want to go, do what they feel called to do as long as it’s pleasing to the Lord. As my OSs get older, this proves challenging because their decisions are significant. My middle OS feels called to the ministry, he’s going to school far away to Chicago; the orange hair freckle face OS is only 15 and not sure of his destiny. Alas the oldest is a Soldier and I’m discovering truly putting personal interests aside is much harder.    

Watching my son march by me on R-Day was far more intense than I could have anticipated and trust me, I anticipated it being very difficult.

My boy and his bonita in El Salvador. Nate is becoming his own man  and I rejoice over him being a person of honor, faith and integrity.

A few weeks ago the Hubs got an email from our cadet informing him of Nate’s potential deployment location. When he told me, I cried. This is where my faith in Jesus must prevail. I have prayed over, for and with my child. I do not come naturally to being the mama of a Soldier but this day has been in the works for nearly two decades. I am as prepared as I can be and should have seen this coming Let’s do this. 
 Matthew 6:34
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Part of the crew while we waited for the nurses to change my mom’s IV

Well, it’s not been for lack of content that I haven’t written. Trust me. It’s because life has been replete with content that finding a moment to reflect has escaped me. My mom is being transferred to an assisted care facility tomorrow after quite a time in the hospital. So much to process and I believe it’s worthy of sharing but sometimes it’s hard to know where to begin. This I know for sure, our journey is one you shouldn’t do without Jesus. 

Sometimes we make a mess of things and only God can make something good come out of it.

Strange as it seems, there has been joy. Not a synthetic eudaimonia either. The circumstances surrounding my mom’s long recovery and complications aren’t particularly pleasant. Had someone told me I would be laughing and silly with all the mess going on, I would have been incredulous. My family has been united. We have loved my mom and each other with honesty and courage. Whether it’s the orange hair freckle face OS’s tender cards of encouragement for his grandma or the middle OS trekking to faithfully see her; manifold blessings bloom in the spring air. Aaron has pastoral aspirations and I have witnessed the gifting the Lord has placed on his life as he visits my mom with his ukulele or guitar and always his Bible close at hand. He even went to another woman’s hospital room (the grandma of one of his friends) and ministered to her aching soul. The Hubs has been my hero. My baby sister who lives nearby has been strong and hilarious showing power when I had none. Extended family has rallied behind us. Really, friends, don’t do this journey if you can avoid it (and really don’t do it without Jesus, seriously). I still remain thankful despite the fact that my mom isn’t doing back-springs and cartwheels out of the hospital. Ok, that’s a funny word picture. So as I was sitting in church on Sunday, tears streaming from my eyes, anxiety looming, heart breaking; there was still an undercurrent of contentment. How could that be?

Message from a freckle face, orange hair OS to his grandma

One of the women in church was praying out loud. Reject any notion that might pop into your head of a person in a trance or losing her mind. Even if you aren’t a church-going person, my hunch is you wouldn’t have been creeped out. Sincerity flowed from her lips and I loved her prayer because she quoted Old Testament Scripture.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, ¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.

Hearing those timeless words was a balm to my spirit. Lacking a prophet’s eloquence and wisdom, my own Habakkuk prayer would go something like this…  

Make a joyful noise my sweet and precious child

Though the circumstances of my mom’s struggles are yucky; though I am not in control of all the variables; though I am sad and tired; though I would like to not know so many nurses; though my car instinctively knows how to get to the hospital, though I had text-finger (which by the way, is painful) because of my nearly constant communication with others; though my mom really needs to find more motivation and umph; yea though there is still laundry and meals, yet I will rejoice in God my Savior. What choice do I have? My arthritic knee creaks and bends in humble praise of the One who can do immeasurably more than I could ever expect or imagine. Amen

My writer friend, the recently published, soon to be immensely famous Cara McLaughlin recently shared, “believing is the hardest part but it’s also the best part.”

Today I’m embracing the believing part of this journey satisfied with what God is doing even if it’s not as I imagined it. More soon…

I am not known for my athletic prowess. Chances are really good that you can out-run, out-lift, out-skate, out-swim, and out-do me in most physical things. Your muscles are bigger, your stride is longer, your endurance is better. You win. 


However, the one thing I am known for, at least in my kin, is my mad Scrabble skills. I can hold my own when it comes to this word-smithing merriment. 

Someone is preparing for the beat-down

Upon each visit home, my oldest OS challenges me to a game of Scrabble. Days prior to the battle, the insults and affronts begin; nothing is too low brow between mother and son. Similar to Army/Navy football, this game is personal. It’s the West Point cadet with a high class ranking (Nate) versus the strong B average Communication and French major from Carroll University (um, that’s me). We engage in our regular risibility while trash talking and one emerges with bragging rights until the next battle.


With great tinges of melancholy, this morning my OS and I sat in the living room and we marked the end of Christmas break with a game of Scrabble.

You would ululate too if you had four u’s

Highlights of today’s game include:
ululating over four U’s – YUCK!


bursting into song using my best and loudest Ethel Merman impersonation of an Ella Fitzgerald classic when Nate made the word MISTY


and caving into moments of deep motherly feelings by confessing to my boy mid-play, “Nate, I love you.”

Yes, I will never tire of his response of sincere mutual affection even if it meant I lost every time (and I didn’t), btw. I would always play this game even if he pummeled me (and he didn’t) just to spend time with a child I cherish. I love words but I love my boy more and that’s saying something. 

Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only Miss Ethel Merman…

Our game board goodness

Oh yes, I am a lachrymose mama right now. My favorite Scrabble buddy is going back to WP where he belongs. 😦 His bags are packed, the game is in the drawer. Tomorrow when the house is empty and all of my OS venture into the places they belong, I will busy myself. My athletic prowess is sorely lacking, the house and the Hubs need attention. It will be ok, I know, I guess, I hope.


Thanks Nate for giving your scrawny mom a scrupulous time. Miss you already ❤ 

Since my oldest OS (oliveshoot) wasn’t able to attend our family reunion, I didn’t want him to be forgotten. He is never far from my heart and thoughts. I was wearing my West Point Mom t-shirt but I thought it might not be enough. He had to be with us in a more meaningful way. I looked around and saw all the kids getting fancy face painting during the Talent Show.  That’s when I got a GREAT idea.

Last year I spent the fourth of July in an emergency room in Miami. I was on a mission trip and one of the girls on my team was sick. We were preparing to board a flight for Lima, Peru the next morning and the organizers of the mission trip didn’t want her leaving the country if she shouldn’t go. So instead of fireworks and patriotic songs, I prayed in the emergency room, held her hand and acted as a surrogate mom. Thankfully we both boarded the plane very early the next day and spent 10 amazing days serving the Lord in Peru.

It was a speaking day for our family on Sunday. In the morning, Nate addressed the church youth group along with family and friends and gave an inspiring message. He was awesome if I do say so myself. 

 Apparently my insight regarding young people and my work in the schools gave me some measure of credibility and that’s why I was chosen. I prayed about it, sought the counsel of godly friends and agreed to do it. 

Page upon page of my prayer journal was devoted to contemplating the message I was going to share. As the day approached, I found myself excited and a bit anxious. Rehearsing the 20 minute speech with my family gave me confidence. My husband liked it. My sons thought it was good. Even my mom liked it. (Ok, my mom LOVED it but that’s her job. We always have to LOVE the things our children create, it’s in the job description. She’s such an encourager!) And most importantly I felt the Lord was pleased with my efforts and He was my main audience. 

Sunday rolled around and I was soooo ready to get it over with. There is no weird twist in my story or anything like that,  I did a good job and was satisfied with the message the Lord placed on my lips. If you want a copy of my message, I’ll send it to you. I used the word “puberty” several times in my message which made my OS Nate rather uncomfortable but it had spiritual relevance. 

The venue was at an outdoor amphitheatre which might be redundant. Are amphitheatres always outdoors? Hmmmmm…NE way, when my family and I approached the place, I commented that I felt like a Roman, you know in a coliseum kinda thingy. My husband and OS rolled their eyes with my bold pronouncement. When I said I felt like Abraham Lincoln or Billy Graham addressing the audience, they really thought I was slightly exaggerating the experience. Whatev…

Athough the baccalaureate began at 5 pm, it was sweltering heat. We’re talking 100 degrees plus even when the sun gave way to a bit of shade. I was sweating bullets. There was a part of my message where I thought I might tear up. No chance. Too hot. Dehydration had set in. I couldn’t have cried if I had forced myself.

Despite the oppressive temperatures I believe the audience of about 300 really tried to listen and concentrate. I was blessed. Unfortunately I left my water bottle with my husband so as I was speaking at the podium, I simply prayed, “Lord, give me enough saliva to finish this speech.” He did. 

Afterward, several people told me I did a great job. One mom actually got out of her car as we were in the parking lot and asked for a hug. It was a sweaty hug but still a blessing.

You know that feeling of doing a job to the best of your ability? I had that, hallelujah! When I came home, I didn’t want to speak anymore, I just wanted to shower and do a non-talking task…finish my nephew’s blanket. 

Hi friends,

On Tuesday, I’m taking a how to sew a zipper class. Dear friends, you just don’t understand how excited I am to learn this new skill. I have this vision of making my own skirts. If all goes well, I’ll be making some skirts this spring and summer. All these ideas will finally have a place besides in my brain. I’m trying to be realistic here though. Most of my creative ideas don’t usually pan out as well as I’d like but it sure would be awesome if this time it did.