Feeling better – mama of a soldier presses on…

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Posted on July 2, 2008

We are currently experiencing a drought in our part of the country and if I had collected my tears in some type of container, (an incredibly large container), I think I personally could have solved the problem two days ago.

Today is a better day although it was quite painful walking into the house and past my son’s room.

This picture is of the two OS and me while still at West Point featuring four items of USMA gear along with the jade necklace my friend whose husband is serving in Korea.

The last thing I want to be is maudlin so I’m concentrating on good things.

I don’t even like the the word maudlin, therefore I’m trying my best to not be characterized as such.

Instead, I’m going the other extreme by wearing

– my West Point Mom Class of 2012 t-shirt with
– my West Point Class of 2012 matching canvas bag
– while driving my mini-van with the Proud Parent of West Point Class of 2012 bumper sticker
and reading Absolutely American (an amazing West Point book, highly recommend) and sporting my West Point Class of 2012 baseball cap.

My husband has –

– a West Point Parent license plate holder

– a West Point Dad Class of 2012 t-shirt

– a West Point golf shirt

– an Army baseball cap and

– a Proud Parent to be a West Point Cadet’s Parent bumper sticker
along with an Army lapel pin.

Can you notice a theme here? Does it seem just a little over the top? Who cares!

In some way, it connects us. I might wash my West Point Mom shirt in a couple of days if it starts to stink but I will stay in the laundry room and put it on as soon as it comes out of the dryer. Do you think I’m kidding!? I’m not!

Despite hundreds of miles that separate us, I am tethered to my child by these small efforts.

Since I like to sew, earlier this spring, I made Isaac a pair of camo-boxer shorts and a camo-pillow case.

My nephew Josiah now has a camo-bib. I also sewed a camo-apron.

Suddenly my favorite colors are either red, white and blue or black, grey and gold. I can’t be there with him while he is learning “knowledge” or doing push-ups or making his bed with incredible speed and execution so in spirit, this is my mama’s way of showing support.

He doesn’t know it but I do and it makes me feel better = less tears.

I cried so much on Monday that I had salt deposits under my eyes.

My two OS said, “Mom you have this white stuff under your eyes.” I went to the restroom at West Point and it wasn’t Kleenex, it wasn’t makeup, it was dried up tears. Yeah, it was that bad.

While at the Panera Bread line today, wearing my West Point Mom Class of 2012 t-shirt, a man approached me and said that he used to attend the Sunday night concerts up there by the tip of the Hudson River. I saw that place just a few days ago and it brought me a measure of joy. I felt connected and held back the floodgates.

During this time of transition though I have to share this with you.

I haven’t been able to collect my tears and find a useful purpose for them but someone has.

It is God.

Scripture says in Psalm 56:8 “You number and record my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle–are they not in Your book?”

I can’t tell you how many times I have clung to that truth. If you know people who are hurting, sad or lonely, share that timeless message with them. God is recording their tears in His bottle, on His scroll.

They matter to Him. And if you see me, for goodness sake, please compliment me on my new USMA fashions, it will help this mama of a soldier!

Go Army, Beat Navy!

Check out how things are going as we now await “the phone call” and a silly way we included our NC into a little family fun!

Link to a newscast about R-Day at West Point, I wouldn’t have lasted 10 minutes!

Btw, I love all your comments and stories and want to put them in a future post. They are inspiring even to non-military folks! Keep ’em coming!

R-Day, 60 seconds

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Posted on June 30, 2008

“You have 60 seconds to say your farewells,” a member of the cadre announced as we all stood and prepared for our goodbyes.

A petite framed cadet whom I really wanted to hate was just doing her job. I don’t envy her of having the task of separating parent and family from child.

It was like every sentence she was saying felt like a Peanuts cartoon where Snoopy just hears, “blah, blah, blah, blah.”

Of course all of us knew it was coming, the mood was solemn as we all filed in and took our seats. I wasn’t the only weepy mom in the bunch so I felt a kindred spirit among us.

Oh I held him so tight. Be strong, be strong, I tried to remind myself.

There was such a feeling of love and pride, but we all entered into some private, intimate place in our hearts and hugged our babies for the final time for a long while like we were the only ones in the place. Nate grabbed his meager belongings and confidently strode to the front of the auditorium and never looked back.

That was a good thing because if I had seen his face one more time, I would have taken it as a sign to rush forward to get him. I know he is divinely placed where the Lord wants him to be and this is perhaps the most unselfish thing I have ever done as a mother. We prayed and prayed for the Lord to put him where he was supposed to go. I cannot second guess my Heavenly Father. Saying goodbye and letting my beloved child set forth into a new life, I am filled with tears and pride, both never ending.

I remember child birth being very painful but this is really rough. I was in labor for four hours, and it hurt like crud and this process is much longer. West Point is such an austere and noble place, I am humbled to have a son who is in the class of 2012 and have the hat, t-shirt and matching handbag to prove it. I shall be wearing black, gold and gray for a really long time. There is a dignity and a respect I don’t recall seeing at other college campuses we visited. This is the right place for my son and I am thankful to have met a lot of nice guys Nathan will soon be calling friends. Take a look and click here at this link to see what his first day was like. OY!

We are all entering a new phase in our lives. After saying our farewells, there were two floors of vendors and organizations to greet us. Nearly ever booth had a box of Kleenex. It was reassuring to see that in the midst of all this decorum and granite, they had chiseled out a lot of compassion and concern.

We arrive home tomorrow and I do laundry which will include some of Nathan’s dirty clothes. It will be the saddest load of laundry I have ever done in my life thus far. I found the toe nail clippers he used before we dropped him off at West Point. They were in the hotel bathroom and yep, I cried.

The Hubs and I weren’t the only ones struggling.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. I am the mama of a soldier. I am the PROUD mama of a soldier. Go Army, Beat Navy, Huah!

Psalm 63:7- 8

For you have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Leaving civilian life behind, becoming military parents

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Posted on June 26, 2008

We just ate our last lunch as a civilian family in our home. In about an hour, we will head out for West Point, first stopping at a special family’s house along the way which is sure to be a bloggable event.

We are becoming a military family, I guess. In true W-H fashion, we did not have a Norman Rockwell dinner or lunch where we were all sitting around the table, laughing and smiling with every bite, singing Kum-Bi-Yah.

I guess we are a really human family and my expectations might have been too high. I am disappointed but trying to not dwell on things not ending perfectly like I wanted.

At this point, I’m averaging about 6-8 crying jags a day and think waterproof mascara is the order of the day for about the next week at least.

If you are reading this, please pray for us as we make this important journey. It is becoming a reality and I need to keep my eyes on Jesus.

I am the mama of a soldier…I am the mama of a soldier.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

A Surprise in the Bathroom

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Posted on May 5, 2008

Since Nathan’s appointment to West Point, life has been moving at a very fast pace. Nathan’s last dance at his school, Nathan’s first prom at a public school, the list of significant beginnings and endings is growing with each passing day. We are preparing for those milestone events which leave this mama near tears almost constantly. Today I cried at least on four different occasions but I’m not going to blog about that (this time).

We did have a funny moment this afternoon. Mark came home from playing Frisbee golf and he said he had to go potty. He walked into the bathroom and this is what he found…

Talk about AWKWARD!

Apparently Nathan forgot he had left this crazy thing in the bathroom. A half-torso is not a normal restroom decoration in our house but Nathan was preparing a few pranks for Senior Skip Day and he left it on the toilet!

Tomorrow our ingenious son plans to place this half-man stuffed with newspapers in one of the boy’s stalls. Yes, we are so proud. The gag is that all the guys who use the restroom at school on Monday will think there is a student stuck on the toilet with a REALLY big digestive issue. I’m not sure how it’s going to work since the stall will be closed but whatev. At the very least, we know the prank worked at our house, Mark wasn’t sure what in the world was going on but we had a few giggles.

All I know is that I’m glad my mom or my 87 year old grandma were not visiting. I wonder what they would have done or thought.

There are a lot of silly things the seniors have got planned but it was fun to have a little, accidental practical joke played on Mark. We might have to do this on April Fool’s Day. Feel free to borrow this very mature idea at your next dinner party or church potluck!

These boots are made for walking

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Posted on April 28, 2008

One of my favorite songs growing up was the Barbara Sinatra’s (Frank’s daughter) song “These boots are made for walking.”

As a little girl, I would put on a pair of boots and strut all over the house singing this song – full of attitude and sass.

Now fast forward, nearly 40 years later, that song comes back into my head because over the weekend, we went to Fort Bragg and bought Nathan a pair of combat boots.

It’s been highly recommended that he break them in before reporting to West Point on June 30. Fort Bragg is quite a place.

If you’re looking for a tattoo, a nudie girl joint or a hot dog, then I’d highly recommend Fort Bragg.

I didn’t find the place especially sophisticated or refined!

For this suburban mama, I was missing some of my creature comforts but at least we were able to get Nate his boots and he’s definitely walking in them.

When in the military recommended going to the mini-mall on base, I thought I could get some cool things at a cheap price. That wasn’t really the case.

We had to get our car inspected, our IDs checked, driver registration confirmed just to get on the base. Pretty serious stuff. I didn’t get anything special at the mini-mall unless of course you count that I got hit on by a little Eastern Indian fella. He started talking to me while I was looking at work-out clothes. It was creepy and I certainly didn’t expect it. At first I couldn’t even believe it was happening. My mom heard me talking to someone and then saw me scooting over to her. Finding love at the commissary definitely wasn’t on my agenda! Just give me the stinkin’ boots!

Since I was absolutely forbidden to take random photos of Nathan trying on boots, (which I wanted to do for you, my blog friends), I had to be very conservative with my picture-taking.

Nathan took a few of the crew comprised of Isaac, Mom and me. I don’t think any of us are fit for duty. The military isn’t that desperate – YET! Thank goodness!

Now we need to order his dress shoes. The ones without polish because at West Point you polish your shoes to perfection.

My own feet ache thinking about all the walking and running my boy is going to do in just two months. My heart hurts too but that’s for another post…probably a lot more posts.

West Point Mom = me

5 Comments

Posted on April 24, 2008

The wait is over. The package arrived.

Our son has been accepted to United States Military Academy – West Point!

We were told that if Nathan was rejected, we would receive a phone call; if he was accepted, he would receive a package.

Just as I was ready to go and speak in a middle school, my husband calls and says, “Nathan got a package from West Point.”

It must have nearly killed Mark to not open the contents but he resisted temptation.

Mark captured the moment on camera. This is a very big deal. Our son will report to West Point bright and early 6:30 AM on June 30!

He will attend six weeks of rigorous training (affectionately known as Beast) and after successful completion, begin his 47 month journey at West Point.

I did not grow up in a military family so this is all so new to me.

New terminology, new people, new experiences for all of us, especially our son.

Our family will take him there and say goodbye and not hear much from him most of the summer.

I am not crying as I type this which shocks me.

I am proud, scared, overjoyed, nervous, excited, thrilled, sad and every feeling in between.

I know the Lord is teaching all of us some lessons and has placed all these pieces together for His glory.

I am the mama of a soldier, whoa.

Why Nate is great -18 Reasons

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Posted on April 12, 2008

18 things I love about my son – he turned 18 over the weekend.

1. Nicknames – When Nate was a baby, practically from the minute he “popped” out, we called him “Shakalanna,” “Sheiky Sheiky,” etc. He has new nicknames I am not privileged to share but they are just as weird.

2. Spins and stuff – My son lets me hold his hand when we are walking in the mall. He will spin me around (just once) and let me put my arms around his waist. Not for too long but it sure makes my mama’s heart sing. I feel like the most special person in the world.

3. Honor – I wish I had half the character my son had when I was his age.

4. I love you – Every night, when his youngest brother has gone to bed, my kids have a ritual. Isaac, my 11-year-old OS will shout from the top of his bunk bed, “Night, Nate, love you!” and no matter what Nathan is doing or whom he is talking to, he is sure to shout back, “Night, Ike, love you, too!”

5. Cooking – Nate is not the best cook but he can make a mean salad. He is rather clumsy in the kitchen which is funny because he is so adept at other things. His salad is killer, though.

6. Funny – If Nathan wasn’t my son, I’d want him as a friend. He’s witty and clever. We rarely run out of things to say. I like how he can make funny accents of people he has met. Like the Chinese lunch lady in middle school who would say, “One cookie, 35 cent.” That one comment has provided us with years of laughs.

7. Guns – Nate’s got some sweet guns. He has served as my inspiration for getting back in shape. We compare guns all the time. I’ll never catch up to him but that’s ok.

8. Disciplined – He is self-motivated and driven.

9. Good speaker – Nate is an engaging speaker. He was selected to be one of the students speaking to the entire high school as part of graduation this year. I can’t wait to hear him and will be sure to bring Kleenex as I cry tears of joy.

10. Cards – Nate will make his own birthday cards on the computer for his friends. They are hilarious and so clever. They are slightly weird but beat any Hallmark card you could ever get.

11. Interesting – My 18-year-old OS is well-read and intelligent. He can talk easily about current events, politics, religion, faith, music and much more. He is very opionioNATEd.

12. The way he treats girls – Nate respects girls and has a lot of female friends. He has done well with respecting the ladies and not leaving a trail of broken hearts along the way.

13. Sleep – Nathan has an imperfect side though. He has to get sleep. If he doesn’t, he’s a stinker.

14. Iron – my son irons. Someone is going to be a very lucky wife one day.

15. People – Nathan takes pride in a job well done. He has been mowing lawns for years now and has a very diverse clientele. I love how my OS appreciates different cultures and personalities.

16. Family – What a blessing to have an 18-year-old son who likes his family! We enjoyed a birthday celebration at our house. Mark and I made his favorite dinner – Chinese pork dumplings and he had five close friends join us. He didn’t kick us out of the dining room, we all were together.

17. Not a potty mouth – Yes, there is an 18-year-old guy who doesn’t drop word bombs and cuss like a sailor. How do I know? I gave birth to him! Woot!

18. Jesus – My boy has a personal relationship with Jesus. He is not ashamed to tell others about his faith in His Savior. Nathaniel means “gift of God” and we couldn’t have picked a more perfect name for our oldest son/olive shoot.

All moms should be so blessed to have a child like him. Thanks Lord for this treasure!

Sweet Treats

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Posted on March 3, 2008

If you are reading this post, you are sworn to secrecy. I wouldn’t even write about my recent baking experience if I thought my oldest son checked my blog regularly. However, Nate, if you are reading this post, Honey, remember Mom loves you very much and would NEVER, EVER, EVER do ANYTHING to harm you…’Member that time when I added just a little bit of chopped spinach to the brownies I baked as an after-school snack? Well, Mom added pureed cauliflower to the banana bread I made yesterday. And that is why I have allowed you to eat as many slices as you have wanted and why I even included a piece of banana bread in your lunch today. It’s because I love you, k?

The reason I did this was because I bought the Deceptively Delicious cookbook by Jessica Seinfeld. Admittedly, it is a lot harder making food with secret ingredients when you have kids that can read. My boys are reading above their grade levels and can easily read a recipe.

In a cloud of secrecy I nonchalantly steamed a head of cauliflower while making dinner. Normally I eagerly include my OS in my cooking, this time I said nothing and did it myself. My trusty husband was in on the deal so he took a few pics.

When Nathan got his first piece of the banana bread, he commented that parts of the banana did completely mix into the batter. “Hmmm,” I muttered, hoping he wouldn’t ask any more questions. Praise the Lord, he didn’t.

Although it wasn’t quite as delicious as my mom’s legendary banana bread, I loved feeling guilt-free about my boys gobbling it up. I thought it tasted pretty good, especially with the added cinnamon.

Has anyone else tried this cookbook? Has anyone tried these recipes on literate people? I am so not a lying person so at this point, I’m adopting the military policy of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

Anticipating change

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Posted on January 11, 2008

My oldest OS Nathan got accepted to UNC-Chapel Hill last week. He has finished all his college apps and is awaiting news on the other schools. With only 20 minutes to spare, he sent his application to Georgetown University the other day. It looks like our son is going to spread his wings and fly! It could be to a well-respected school nearby or one nine hours away.

As we anticipate great change in our household, I admit sometimes I struggle.

Where does the Lord want my son to be? What if it’s far away? What’ll I do? I have to grant my son freedom to go where he feels called but ouch, y’all it’s painful!

This includes taking him to visit West Point Military Academy in New York.

In record time, Nathan completed all the necessary paperwork to apply to West Point. He had an endurance test, eye test and physical exam. He got a congressional nomination from a State Representative and we’ve heard they only give out five a year. Our boy was diligent and focused – normally these things take some time, Nathan did it all in less than a week.

One night before Christmas, my OS began to read his responses to the West Point questions on the application. With great conviction, Nathan recited his answers. He spoke clearly and didn’t waver as he read to me that he was willing to die for his country and stand up for what is right even to the point of sacrificing himself. That’s when I began to lose it. Whoa…I had to ask him to stop for a minute so I could get myself together. Of course I was crying as I told my handsome OS that my mama’s heart needed a second to gain some composure. “Nathan, you have never had little feet kicking inside you and you’ve never heard that person who you gave birth to, say things like this. Mom just needs a minute here.”

My sweet boy understood as best he could. Pride, fear, excitement, sadness, love, oh the love overwhelm every part of me even as I write this tears stream from my face.

Being a mom is at times the most selfish thing I’ve ever done but I’m learning to expect new lessons involving having to completely forget about myself and give my growing sons the courage to fly, even if it’s far from my safe and cozy little nest.