If you have reached the half-century mark, congratulations! The good news is that you are considered to be a person of greater wisdom; bad news, soon you will find yourself at the proctologist scheduling a colonoscopy.
How do I know? Well today I had a colonoscopy. Now I’m going to blog about it. You who are weak in stomach might want to move right along. I will be discerning about the experience. My sincere desire is to keep it real but not real gross. As unpleasant as it is, (and it is), you gotta do it. Join me on this journey, feel free to share with anyone you know who needs to schedule this rite of passage.
Here’s how things “went.”
1. The Hubs and I went to the grocery story the night before. A strange date night to be sure, but I needed the emotional support of his company. Together we bought hard candy, lime popsicles, coconut water, organic white grape juice and the finest toilet paper money can buy. My orange hair, freckle face olive shoot was threatened within an inch of his life if he even tried to get one square of the hygienic items we had scored. (The Hubs is getting his colonoscopy NEXT Thursday!).
2. The day prior to the procedure, I refrained from eating any solids and any red or purple items. A moment of panic ensued when I realized I had some watermelon and grape Jolly Ranchers. I was grouchy and anxious throughout the day. The Lord kept reminding me, “Girl, you are blessed. You have insurance, you have the ability to do this and I’m right by your side including your backside.” Resolutely, at 5:51, the night before the procedure I chugged the first bottle of solution in record time. BLECH.
3. Per directions, I drank 32 oz. of additional water. The solution tastes like really bad cherry cough syrup and salt. I choked back throwing up. ADVICE – REFRIGERATE THE STUFF, it tastes nasty but not as nasty as it would if it were room temperature!
4. Thankfully we also bought one of the finest items in the grocery aisle, Charmin Freshmates. I would gladly do a commercial about this ingenious product and if I knew a friend were having a colonoscopy, I’d give it as a gift, they’re that wonderful. I can’t say enough about Charmin Freshmates and yes I am now a die-hard fan.
5. About nine minutes later, it became quite clear that the solution was “effective.” ADVICE – HAVE ALL ELECTRONIC DEVICES WELL CHARGED, you will have time to check everyone’s facebook status, Instagram and social media you even remotely know. There will not be time to run and get these electronic items, have them in the bathroom.
With a brief reprieve, I reviewed the doctor’s orders. I didn’t want to goof this thing up. At this point, I was hungry, tired and praising Jesus for those Charmin Freshmates.
Btw, I’m proud of myself, this wasn’t easy to do but sometimes you gotta go, you gotta do it.
My Awesome Olive Shoots 