Straight hair, glasses, this was the re-take picture sophomore year!
Gulp.
Etched into my memory is the stunningly gorgeous popular girl who looked into the mirror in the high school bathroom and let out a disgusted, “UGH! as she peered into the glass.
I was standing beside her.
Contact lenses, perm, junior year and still on that struggle bus!
If that girl was ugly, what did that mean about me? If she let out a mighty gulp, what should my response be for the creature that was looking back at me?
Pimples, fake perm, flat-chested, family problems, low on the social scale, I didn’t have a chance.
My view of myself is very negative though many people might find that hard to believe. They think that a sassy, pink-haired women would like what she sees but they are wrong.
I’m still the woman who looks in the mirror with disgust
Sometimes horror
I get in trouble with the men in my family when I inform them about my level of hideousness. They yell at me when I try to convince them that I am especially yucky. Somehow they do not see all the imperfections that make me at times even feel like I need to apologize for being out in public.
Reconciling God’s view of me with what I see, how I feel, making sense of life’s ugliness appears to be a painful, lifelong process. Ugh.
I’m not expecting you to try to convince me of my inner beauty, my physical at- tractiveness, that’s not the purpose of this post.
I wouldn’t believe you anyway.
I’m just being honest and I suspect I’m not alone. God has a lot of work to do and his view of me is what should really matter.
Ok, so that was immensely painful. “Thank you Five minute Friday“?
My Awesome Olive Shoots 
Visiting you for the first time from Five Minute Friday. This was wonderful and truly resonated. Thank you!
“I’m just being honest and I suspect I’m not alone. God has a lot of work to do and his view of me is what should really matter.” Yes. Very true. There are so many women, so many, who struggle with body image and self-esteem. It’s astounding. People we would never ever suspect. It’s important that we talk about it and help each other. Thank you for your raw honesty today.
Thank you Stephanie! I wasn’t sure what to write for the word “view” and this is what the Lord allowed me to share. Not pretty in many ways but that’s often my view. Appreciate you stopping by and “noticing.”
Cindy, I relate more than I could possibly say in just a short blog comment. Just want to say thanks for being real.
Meredith, yes, it is more common than we want to dare even say. So sad because we can be so cruel to ourselves! I think you’re beautiful btw.
Girl, when you look at the view, you go at it hard. It’s the only way, though – to get these filthy, smudged lenses clean so we can see as He does, it takes hard work & elbow grease. We have to fight against the false standards all around us, but the hardest ones to fight are the ones we’ve made a part of ourselves. (I read this just after having a bit of self-talk – again – about how I expect to look in the wedding photos. Just stop, right? I was there and it was beautiful and it was real.) Go be beautiful, babe!
Yes, it is just stupid for us to believe in ridiculous standards and not see the beauty we have! I dislike falsity and artificial things and think there is a lot of screwed up expectations still stuck within me. I thought you looked great in the wedding pictures and I completely understand the pressure you must have felt on that big day in your family! Thanks for writing and speaking sweetness to me.
That is hard to write that, but I find that this is where the healing starts…admitting it out loud. I think you are beautiful on the outside, really! I wonder if the bible study, Me, myself and Lies by Jennifer Rothschild would be helpful to you…it helped me stop the cruel tape recorder that filled my head daily of how unattractive I felt about me…We seem to come from a similar upbringing and I possessed a horrible perm my freshman year that still haunts me. Blessings to you and thank you for being so real.
Hey Dionne, Great suggestion! It’s crazy the things the Enemy wants me to believe that I know are not or are no longer true about myself. Thank you for the encouragement and for stopping by!
I usually feel the “UGH” when I look in the mirror, getting worse the older I get. That makes me feel guilty too as I hate my many flaws because – if God created me, then what right do I have to think about how I’m so messed up and wish He’d made most of me differently?
Yes, Lisa, so true! I really hate it when I think I look nice and then I see a picture of me and I’m like, “YIKES!” It does make a difference when someone notices our beauty but I need to remember my Heavenly Father’s view of me is what really counts.
Bless your heart dear. Please come read my five minute Friday post for today.
You are definitely not alone…definitely…
Thanks Karen. Ergh…