A little life remembered

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Posted on January 18, 2012

It was just a month ago around 7pm when I was at Whole Foods with the Hubs. Our plans were to get a few things and do some Christmas shopping at the local mall.

We were talking with a friend whom we happened to meet coincidentally over by the deli counter and my mobile phone rang. It was my orange hair, freckle face OS calling. I was certain he needed help solving an argument between him and his brother or maybe it was just to remind us to pick him up a grocery item. But neither were the reason for his call. His voice was heavy and I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly.

“Lilly died.”

What did he say?

I nearly dropped my phone.

I wasn’t sure I had heard him correctly and I didn’t want to misunderstand. I had just checked her mother’s blog that afternoon and although this little baby was medically fragile, there was no evidence that in the span of a few hours, she would be gone.

http://creationsbydawn.net/pi/tutorials/lily.html

We aren’t related to Lilly in a family sense but this little girl had won our collective hearts.

Now I’m standing at Whole Foods struggling to understand this news. Suddenly all the Hubs and I wanted to do was speed through the check-out line and return home. Our family needed to be together, the errands could wait.

We walked out of Whole Foods stunned, the winter air had a quiet chill as we placed our groceries in the car. I could feel a whole community of people grieving over this profound loss. A tiny hero had passed away.

So who was Lilly? Lilly was a beloved baby born with Trisomy 18. Trisomy 18 (Edwards Syndrome) is a chromosomal disorder. Only 5-10% of children born with T18 live to see their first birthday. Lilly, aka Miss Firecracker because she was born July 4th, belied the medical community. Although T18 is commonly known as being incompatible with life, Lilly wanted nothing to do with that nonsense. For 17 months, Miss Firecracker bore witness to the fact that every life is significant.

The first time I would meet this precious child and her mother (I already know Lilly’s dad) was at the funeral home. Our entire family, including our OS who was home from West Point, loaded in the SUV to pay our respects.

I wasn’t the only one crying as we walked through the line and I will not tell you which OS also had tears in his eyes.

Dressed in a vintage christening gown with her favorite stuffed toy caterpillar near her side, Lilly looked like a tiny doll. It was necessary to share our condolences with Lilly’s family.

The line grew long as many waited to speak to her parents and offer sympathies and appreciation for loving her so well. Even though it was very emotional, the Hubs, Nate, Aaron, Ike and I had to meet this little girl who had inspired us with her fighting spirit. Lilly gave testimony to a life well lived.

The anticipation of a new baby breathes excitement into a family. But for some parents, joy is replaced with heartache when they learn that their much-loved preborn child may not survive. This book is a wonderful resource.

As we reflected on the year 2011 and marked the many experiences we have shared as a family, Lilly’s life and her departure to heaven found its way into the threads of our significant moments. I am pleased to say that Lilly’s life mattered to many. Her extraordinary family remains in our prayers and continues to inspire.

Read more about Lilly and her legacy at Pray4Lilly. You will be blessed. Who has recently inspired you? I’d love to hear, please share.

Angels Unaware

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Posted on April 16, 2009

When my OS began his exploration into attending West Point, so did I.

We were about to embark on an exciting journey and I had no clue what he was getting himself and the entire family into!

I was so clueless about West Point, the United States Military Academy, I had to google search west+point.

Where is West Point anyway?

That’s when I found it is far away. Far away as in New York. Far away as in a 10 hour drive, but about 15 hour of driving time if I’m in the car accounting for potty breaks and not including an overnight stay at a nice hotel. Yes, I am ever so slightly high maintenance.

It just so happened the Lord had placed in our lives a great couple, Gigi and Eric. Eric is a professor at West Point and we met here when he was in our state completing his doctorate degree and attending our church and Sunday School class. When the family left for a two year class assignment to Korea, we thought we would never see them ever again, this side of heaven.

But that was not the Lord’s will and soon, they will return to West Point. We will re-connect with them! When our son was accepted at West Point, Eric called us all the way from Korea and lovingly, honestly explained what R-Day was going to be like for us as parents.

In a word – HARD!

After speaking with him on the phone, I literally collapsed on my carpet, unsure of how I was going to handle parting with my treasured boy. And not only saying goodbye but doing it in under two minutes.

Enjoy this picture I took thanks to my Mac Photo Booth aptly conveying my sentiments last year.Very attractive, huh?

Since then we have pressed on. And we have been blessed. We have met amazing people who have extended themselves in ways I never expected. I see how the Lord’s hand has linked us up with caring families who have been there for us and our OS.

For example, Peggie, a West Point mom whom I never met when I called her because we have a mutual acquaintance. Peggie allowed me to cry on her proverbial shoulder. I barely got one sentence out of my mouth, before the Lacrimal Glands got activated. She was such an encouragement and she listened like a mama who’s been there, done that. And she still spoke in full sentences which gave me hope that I could actually live through this experience with some semblance of sanity.

Then there have been the Hoffman’s who take Nate out regularly when they visit their plebe at West Point. Patti gives our OS an obligatory hug from me and has loved my boy as if he were her own. This family knows no bounds of kindness. Such a beautiful lady who even did an eyebrow trim for my husband when we were all together at Plebe Parent Weekend! I love these people! How many of your girlfriends can you ask to trim your husband’s eyebrows??? Those friends are few and far between!

Merrily is a gem too. Although recently faced with the loss of her husband, she is a resilient mama of a very fine plebe. That lady is someone that from the minute she called me on the phone one day after communicating via her husband’s blog, I felt an instant connection to and we ended our first conversation saying, “I love you” and meaning it.

And then there’s Kim. Kim works at West Point and she’s a grad. Very huah but in no way obnoxious. Kim understands what it’s like to be a cadet and she’s a mother which is a perfect combination.

When Nate’s birthday rolled around on April 12th, Kim dropped off in our son’s room, a bouquet of balloons, a big birthday card and an ice cream party certificate. She has offered to take my OS out for pizza, invited him to an Easter dinner, truly extended herself in ways I could have never imagined. And we have only met once when she recognized me at A-Day. I had a broken foot and a scooter, so I was an easy target and she has been reading my blog for a while. I felt so fancy when she came up and introduced herself! Since then, we have kept in touch and when I have offered to reimburse Kim for her generosity, she quickly rebuffs my offer, saying she does these things gladly and free of charge. Oh, how I am blessed!

I am reminded of the Scripture found in Hebrews 13:2 “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.”

I reflect on this journey thus far and sometimes can’t believe how fast my son’s plebe year has passed! I praise the Lord because we have survived, occasionally even thrived. We have all learned things about ourselves, our strength, the importance of faith and prayer and developing an extended sense of family.

Y’all, I am meeting angels. Not the fluttering kind with halos and wings but still divine messengers of God who have lighted this path with compassion. I hope you have been meeting some along your way as well, wherever it may be…

An Open Letter to the Military

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Posted on November 12, 2008

To all those who served in the military,

I am sorry that I used to overlook Veteran’s Day.

I apologize for being annoyed when I didn’t get mail because November 11th is a federal holiday. It doesn’t bother me anymore.

Or forgetting to fly our flag, it has been waving proudly on our porch since last night.

I wish I would have told more of you “thank you” a long time ago but I am now the mama of a Soldier and you deserved my appreciation before then.

Now I see your Veteran’s hats and your license plates and my heart is beginning to understand.

I notice the bumper stickers of parents of military service people and I want to jump out of my mini-van and tell them I am learning what this means.

My life and this day will never be the same.

Thank you for your sacrifice to defend our freedom.

God bless you for being away from your family, friends and the comforts of home.

For those birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, even just regular days when you are not surrounded by the people who love you, I am humbled whenever I consider what that must be like for you.

Thank you for being able to serve our country whether you like the president or voted for him. I didn’t realize that until my own child put it into perspective.

Thank you for going to places most of us would never want to live or visit.

I confess that I might have still remained ignorant about all these things if my son hadn’t joined the Army.

You have done your job for your country and all the people in it. Including those completely support your endeavors and those who scoff at your service, those who would never have the courage to give everything up for a cause greater than themselves.

Until my own son made an oath to serve his country and I saw him in his uniform,

I was naive.

But not anymore, and that is a good thing,

I just needed to tell you this from the bottom of my mama’s heart.

Thank you.

Feeling better – mama of a soldier presses on…

34 Comments

Posted on July 2, 2008

We are currently experiencing a drought in our part of the country and if I had collected my tears in some type of container, (an incredibly large container), I think I personally could have solved the problem two days ago.

Today is a better day although it was quite painful walking into the house and past my son’s room.

This picture is of the two OS and me while still at West Point featuring four items of USMA gear along with the jade necklace my friend whose husband is serving in Korea.

The last thing I want to be is maudlin so I’m concentrating on good things.

I don’t even like the the word maudlin, therefore I’m trying my best to not be characterized as such.

Instead, I’m going the other extreme by wearing

– my West Point Mom Class of 2012 t-shirt with
– my West Point Class of 2012 matching canvas bag
– while driving my mini-van with the Proud Parent of West Point Class of 2012 bumper sticker
and reading Absolutely American (an amazing West Point book, highly recommend) and sporting my West Point Class of 2012 baseball cap.

My husband has –

– a West Point Parent license plate holder

– a West Point Dad Class of 2012 t-shirt

– a West Point golf shirt

– an Army baseball cap and

– a Proud Parent to be a West Point Cadet’s Parent bumper sticker
along with an Army lapel pin.

Can you notice a theme here? Does it seem just a little over the top? Who cares!

In some way, it connects us. I might wash my West Point Mom shirt in a couple of days if it starts to stink but I will stay in the laundry room and put it on as soon as it comes out of the dryer. Do you think I’m kidding!? I’m not!

Despite hundreds of miles that separate us, I am tethered to my child by these small efforts.

Since I like to sew, earlier this spring, I made Isaac a pair of camo-boxer shorts and a camo-pillow case.

My nephew Josiah now has a camo-bib. I also sewed a camo-apron.

Suddenly my favorite colors are either red, white and blue or black, grey and gold. I can’t be there with him while he is learning “knowledge” or doing push-ups or making his bed with incredible speed and execution so in spirit, this is my mama’s way of showing support.

He doesn’t know it but I do and it makes me feel better = less tears.

I cried so much on Monday that I had salt deposits under my eyes.

My two OS said, “Mom you have this white stuff under your eyes.” I went to the restroom at West Point and it wasn’t Kleenex, it wasn’t makeup, it was dried up tears. Yeah, it was that bad.

While at the Panera Bread line today, wearing my West Point Mom Class of 2012 t-shirt, a man approached me and said that he used to attend the Sunday night concerts up there by the tip of the Hudson River. I saw that place just a few days ago and it brought me a measure of joy. I felt connected and held back the floodgates.

During this time of transition though I have to share this with you.

I haven’t been able to collect my tears and find a useful purpose for them but someone has.

It is God.

Scripture says in Psalm 56:8 “You number and record my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle–are they not in Your book?”

I can’t tell you how many times I have clung to that truth. If you know people who are hurting, sad or lonely, share that timeless message with them. God is recording their tears in His bottle, on His scroll.

They matter to Him. And if you see me, for goodness sake, please compliment me on my new USMA fashions, it will help this mama of a soldier!

Go Army, Beat Navy!

Check out how things are going as we now await “the phone call” and a silly way we included our NC into a little family fun!

Link to a newscast about R-Day at West Point, I wouldn’t have lasted 10 minutes!

Btw, I love all your comments and stories and want to put them in a future post. They are inspiring even to non-military folks! Keep ’em coming!

R-Day, 60 seconds

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Posted on June 30, 2008

“You have 60 seconds to say your farewells,” a member of the cadre announced as we all stood and prepared for our goodbyes.

A petite framed cadet whom I really wanted to hate was just doing her job. I don’t envy her of having the task of separating parent and family from child.

It was like every sentence she was saying felt like a Peanuts cartoon where Snoopy just hears, “blah, blah, blah, blah.”

Of course all of us knew it was coming, the mood was solemn as we all filed in and took our seats. I wasn’t the only weepy mom in the bunch so I felt a kindred spirit among us.

Oh I held him so tight. Be strong, be strong, I tried to remind myself.

There was such a feeling of love and pride, but we all entered into some private, intimate place in our hearts and hugged our babies for the final time for a long while like we were the only ones in the place. Nate grabbed his meager belongings and confidently strode to the front of the auditorium and never looked back.

That was a good thing because if I had seen his face one more time, I would have taken it as a sign to rush forward to get him. I know he is divinely placed where the Lord wants him to be and this is perhaps the most unselfish thing I have ever done as a mother. We prayed and prayed for the Lord to put him where he was supposed to go. I cannot second guess my Heavenly Father. Saying goodbye and letting my beloved child set forth into a new life, I am filled with tears and pride, both never ending.

I remember child birth being very painful but this is really rough. I was in labor for four hours, and it hurt like crud and this process is much longer. West Point is such an austere and noble place, I am humbled to have a son who is in the class of 2012 and have the hat, t-shirt and matching handbag to prove it. I shall be wearing black, gold and gray for a really long time. There is a dignity and a respect I don’t recall seeing at other college campuses we visited. This is the right place for my son and I am thankful to have met a lot of nice guys Nathan will soon be calling friends. Take a look and click here at this link to see what his first day was like. OY!

We are all entering a new phase in our lives. After saying our farewells, there were two floors of vendors and organizations to greet us. Nearly ever booth had a box of Kleenex. It was reassuring to see that in the midst of all this decorum and granite, they had chiseled out a lot of compassion and concern.

We arrive home tomorrow and I do laundry which will include some of Nathan’s dirty clothes. It will be the saddest load of laundry I have ever done in my life thus far. I found the toe nail clippers he used before we dropped him off at West Point. They were in the hotel bathroom and yep, I cried.

The Hubs and I weren’t the only ones struggling.

Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. I am the mama of a soldier. I am the PROUD mama of a soldier. Go Army, Beat Navy, Huah!

Psalm 63:7- 8

For you have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Visiting West Point for the very first time

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Posted on January 25, 2008

We arrived at the Admissions Office at 8 am on Friday.

Since that time we have learned a lot of impressive things about West Point.

I am honored that my son is even considering this place.

West Point has a nobility about it that I haven’t felt at other universities.

Having not grown up in a military family, it’s strange walking around in a camouflage-colored campus where people all walk the same and salute each other.

This beautiful print is available through a talented USNA and USMA mom. Check it out here!

I’m not saying I don’t like it, it’s just a whole new culture. You don’t see any dread locks in anyone’s hair or piercings or tattoos, no facial hair either. It’s a very clean-cut campus body.

West Point info we learned:

4,400 students attend

7 to 1 student/teacher ratio – This is less than in elementary school!

81% graduation in four years

Upon graduation cadets commit to five years of service in the Army – this is a very serious commitment

It’s estimated that a West Point education is worth $448,000.

Robert E. Lee, Ulysses S. Grant, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Omar Bradley, Norman Schwarzkopf are just some of the notable graduates

Wake up time: 5:00, not 5:01, not 5:15.

It’s not pretty if you don’t wake up on time.

If Nathan goes there, it should be a VERY interesting considering time to see how he does with that.

Considering how much prodding his brothers do to get him up at 7 am, I wonder how he will adjust.

Your room stays clean. Impeccably clean.

I mean so clean not even a hair should be on the ground.

You don’t want a hair on the ground or a dust bunny or anything out of place. It’s not pretty. You will walk the plain (a large flat field on campus) or worse.

When we were walking around the campus, Mark was impressed with how many cadets called him, “sir” as he passed them by.

I only heard some cuss word while on campus.

When we visited another university, the cuss words were flying all over the place. I’m not saying they don’t use them (wouldn’t that be nice, though), it was such a totally different atmosphere.

I’m praising the Lord that I brought my trusty long undies as I was able to handle the chilly temp thanks to the layers of clothing. I wasn’t exactly working it but sometimes you have to forgo high fashion, you know what I mean?

I have cried at least six times but not in an embarrassing way. One time, yesterday morning, the lieutenant mentioned something about saying good-bye to your family and I almost lost it.

I drew a deep breath, getting ready to let loose of a few years but immediately Nathan looked over at me (he knows me pretty well) and I knew I had to try and get myself together. I sucked the tears back in and waited until Mark and I were together to let a few fall from my eyes.

We are awaiting news on his eye exam and physical so he hasn’t been officially accepted yet.

Nothing is a done deal yet.

My sugar boy and me. I’m not a flyer btw.

However, I have to accept is this – I have to accept and yield God’s will for my son’s life whether it’s at West Point or somewhere else.

The Lord and not me, determine my precious boy’s future. We are earnestly praying and if I get ahead of myself, I’m a wreck but if I stay in the moment, I can handle things. It is obvious the Lord is using this experience to make us lean into Him more and more.

We pick Nate up at 1 pm and we’ll learn more about his overnight time with a cadet. Check back for more details as we continue on this incredible journey.

If you like the picture posted in this blog, check out this talented artist’s prints. She’s a USNA and a future USMA mom!