Note to self- Don’t go to the dentist on April Fool’s Day


I rank going to the dentist right up there with going to the proctologist. Considering I have been to both in the last year (TMI???), I know from whence I speak. 

Today I got three cavities filled. Yay for me! I loathe going to the dentist and have delayed the appointment by two years. My dentist is a qualified and perfectly nice person, it’s just that I avoid anyone doing anything in my mouth nearly at all costs. The drills. The smells. The sounds. Ew

It is not an understatement to say I LOATHE the dentist. Yes, I have written this twice and it might sound redundant. It’s not. It’s called emphasis, people! I’m the kind of patient you don’t want to see on your appointment list. I saw the computer screen and it said I was “high involvement.” That was supposed to mean someone who has three cavities and needs some deeper tooth cleaning but as they learned, I took “high involvement” to a whole new level.

Every time I go to the dentist, I feel it is my duty to inform them how I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY don’t want to be there

But my mother has served as my inspiration. She has learned the hard way. Tens of thousands of dollars were poured into trying to save her teeth to no avail. She had nine teeth pulled in the last year. She has a denture on top and a bridge on the bottom. My admiration for her has skyrocketed because of all that she’s been through. I do not want this to happen to me. 

Her “favorite” part was right before Christmas when she had six teeth pulled out all at once while she was sick. The day after the procedure, she was coughing her head off with poorly fitting dentures and a new bridge. She tried valiantly to shove those dentures back up in her raw mouth and spent three and a half days at the hospital with pneumonia. I followed the ambulance to the hospital! I vividly recall her agonizing attempts to cram those babies (dentures) in her mouth while trying not to die. Talk about multi-tasking! Talk about a blog post! OY

Today, as usual, it took a lot of Novacaine and time to adequately numb my mouth. Oh how I detest needles.  I didn’t feel much better even when she stealthily hid the needle just before jamming it into my gums. 

We tried the laughing gas today too. Having tubing going up my head and having prongs in my nostrils isn’t relaxing, btw. I felt like an electric plug which was a new experience for me. Anxiety beset so we readjusted the stupid thing. I’m not sure it worked. I am sure it was expensive. I think I was my dentist’s April Fool’s Day joke. 

Then while driving I started to feel sick. Not sick like a fever. Sick like nauseated. I took my mom to the doctor and ran into the medical office building. After emptying the entire contents of my stomach into the potty and having momentary loss of bladder function, (TMI???) I emerged wanting to write a haiku about the miserable experience.

Here it is…

Dentist, three cavities
Novacaine, nitrous oxide
Barfed misery

I haven’t written a haiku since high school but it seemed like the right thing to do. I have to go back to the dentist tomorrow because I’m having pain when I bite down on things. I feel another haiku bubbling to the surface. Hopefully that will be the only thing. 

6 thoughts on “Note to self- Don’t go to the dentist on April Fool’s Day

  1. Cindy,I really think it is time for you to move on from blogging and write a book. I can’t tell you how many times I sit and read your blogs and laugh and laugh and laugh some more. I think whatever you write would become a best seller and I for one would promote it and even have a book club for you .Karen Gould

  2. and yet you braved braces for two or so years. i’m with you – does anyone like going to the dentist? i’d rather go the OBYGN for a yearly physical.

  3. The only thing worse than the dentist on April Fool’s Day might be a colonoscopy on April Fool’s Day, which is where my husband spent the day yesterday.

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