3, 2, 1 = the day I wished I was a statistician


Over Christmas break, I asked the middle OS to run to the store to get me some canned tomatoes. By the time Aaron came home, he had accumulated MUCH more than 32 ounces of canned tomatoes. Read on for details…

Not just a pretty face! 

We live close to several grocery stores and therefore I assumed Aaron would perform this task lickety-split. My middle bairn has a good track record as my errand boy. If I may brag a moment, Aaron will be a fine husband one day. He not only puts the toilet seat down after using it, this guy can find common food staples and less traditional food items such as hoisin sauce and kefir in several nationally known grocery chains!

However, this recent grocery trip was taking longer than expected and I wondered to myself, “Where is Aaron? Where did he go? I need my canned tomatoes!”

And that’s when the phone rang. 
Aaron: “Hey, Mom.”
Me: “Hey…where are you?”
Aaron: “Um, I just got a ticket.”
Me: “WHAT? What were YOU doing and where are my canned tomatoes?!!!”

The middle OS proceeded to explain where and how he got a speeding ticket. The simple trip to the grocery store had morphed into a jaunt to the used bookstore which somehow led to a pricey speeding fine.

Upon Aaron’s return, the cheerful mood in our otherwise festive home had soured. The Hubs was miffed, Aaron was embarrassed and I was annoyed that I had waited so long for my canned tomatoes.

But it gets better (or worse depending on your perspective)…

“I may be a ginger but I can apparently
read road signs better than my West Point brother!”

We then asked our oldest OS to drop the orange hair, freckle face OS off at basketball practice. He agreed and scuttled his brother into the car. He was gone for no more than 10 minutes-

And that’s when the phone rang.
Nate: “Hey.”
Me: “Hey…what’s up?”

Nate: “I just got a ticket.”
Me: “WHAT? What were YOU doing and where is Isaac?!!!”

The oldest OS then proceeded to explain where and how he got an even heftier speeding ticket. The simple trip to school had morphed into a second W-H encounter with law enforcement. Despite the verbal warnings of the younger brother, Nate had overlooked obvious road signs and in the span of less than one hour, two of our three OS had about $600 in associated ticket costs.

Three oliveshoots, two speeding tickets,
one day = let’s try to not repeat that, guys!
I’ve never heard of such a thing! What are the chances of having three oliveshoots who drive (Ike has his learner’s permit) and two of them getting speeding tickets on the same day in less than an hour? I’m no statistician but I’d say it’s highly unlikely.

The OS are handling these issues responsibly and financially independently. They are reaping the consequences of their actions and although I do not find it amusing that they did something wrong, I do think it’s funny in a quirky sort of way. According to my calculations, for the price of two speeding tickets, these two guys could have bought me over 400 cans of canned tomatoes!

We embrace our weirdness!
I’d love to hear about your unusual holiday experiences too. 

PS. Here are a few links of our other unusual grocery store encounters (one involving an innocent assault with salt!) if you’re interested. 

Busy, busy

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I’m so sick of political ads, aren’t you?  Thankfully we have digital cable so I can tape my favorite tv shows. I can watch those programs while fast forwarding through all the commercials, especially the political ones. I am ready for this whole thing to be done, that’s for sure. 

But yesterday was so busy, none of the politicians had a chance of getting a minute of my time. It was Isaac’s 12th birthday and I had plenty to do. First I picked up sub sandwiches for my guys and dropped them off for lunch. Aaron announced to his friends that I was the best mom of the day so I had that going for me!

Then I went grocery shopping at Trader’s Joes. I behaved myself very nicely, didn’t drop salt on anyone’s head but while on my way to the next errand, I witnessed a car accident.  A woman was taking a left turn and she veered into a street sign on the median. Crystal, (that was the young woman’s name), ran over the sign and then her car stopped in a small hill. Her car was dangerously blocking traffic and I gasped. As soon as I could, I immediately stopped my car right by hers to make sure she was ok. I was afraid someone could crash into my car but I was more concerned about her. She was fine but very shaken up. I called the police, she said she didn’t need an ambulance and I stayed with her. Apparently her sunglasses dropped and when she tried to retrieve them, she lost control of her car. The street sign toppled over like a popsicle stick. We sat on the curb and I prayed softly for her. I left after telling the police officer about the accident. Crystal had moved to our town for a new start. I told her that she could still find a new start despite this accident. We hugged, I told her I would pray for her. 

Although Crystal’s car (actually it was her boyfriend’s dad’s car = awkward) would be classified as a beater, to our mutual surprise, her car was drivable

Then I continued on my quest to find my delicious, freckle-face 12 year old boy the perfect birthday presents, the subject of my next blog post. Stay tuned!

Trouble at Trader Joe’s


My next post was supposed to be about beds or boxing…

That is until I went to Trader Joe’s and accidentally dropped 26.5 ounces of salt on a lady’s head.

All I wanted to do was pick up fresh basil and a few other ingredients. I had no intention of hurting anyone, especially in front of my children, that’s for sure.

But that’s what happened. 

A petite lady in her mid 50’s wearing a brownish outfit was bent over looking at the dry active yeast packets. I wanted sea salt. Sea salt is good for you and we were running low. We were in the home stretch of our errand when I reached over to grab the salt. I could have waited for her to finish selecting her active dry yeast packets but I didn’t. Suddenly, inexplicably the cylinder of sea salt slipped from my hands and landed right on the corner of the lady’s head.

I was dumbstruck and embarrassed beyond mention. My boys were silent. No giggles, no nothing. I started rubbing her head, asking her if she was ok, apologizing, offering to get some ice, apologizing again and feeling horrible. It was 26.5 ounces aka 1 lb. 10.5 ounces of Baleine’s Sea Salt that clipped the side of her head. 

Isaac reminded me that it wasn’t just 26.5 ounces that landed on her head. If you account for velocity, it was more than that…um, thanks, Ike.

I apologized again, asked if there was anything I could do. She said she would probably be ok. It was awkward and I was clueless what else was there was to do?? Should I give her my phone number? Insurance card? Money? If my car had run into hers, I would easily have known that to do but I have never dropped sea salt on someone’s head before. 

But this was 26.5 ounces of sea salt. What’s the right thing to do in this case? So I stood there, looking at my two sons, 14 and almost 12 years old and mouthed to them, “What else should I do?”, like they would know! We couldn’t think of anything and time was passing so slowly, I pitifully went up to the check out and spoke to the cashier

I told her of my misfortune and tried not to cry. I asked her if it would be possible for her to help me. “I dropped salt on a lady’s head and wanted to know if I paid for it, could you give her some flowers from me when she’s in the check-out line?” 

She went to get the manager and I had to tell her what I did. I’ve never felt more guilt-laden at a grocery store in my life! I felt like a really bad person as I tried to discern the manager’s facial expressions. Was she mad at me? Did she think I was a horrible person? I described the woman and the manager took the bouquet and offered to locate the lady. She might have also wanted to write an “accident report.” Ugh!

The cashier told me it was going to be ok and said she thought it was nice of me to try and do something. I wiped a few tears away from my eyes. I felt powerless and useless. On the way home, we prayed for the lady. I’m sure she is going to be ok. This was in no way a life-threatening injury but I still feel badly. Like most of us when we come to the grocery store, she left with more than she was planning on getting; however, in this case, it was a lump on the side of her head and a bouquet of sunflowers.

Drats! Have you ever done something regretful like this? How did you handle it?