Category Archives: love

The soul of MY soup

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“To possess a cook who makes perfect soups is to possess a jewel of great price. 
A woman who cannot make soup 
should not be allowed to marry.”

P. Mortan Shand, A Book of Food, 1928
Um, that seems a little harsh but when the going gets tough, I do what most women do…
I make vegetable broth. 

This is some serious broth action


As a foodie and mama of three OS, it’s my attempt, I guess, to put things together and make something good. Into the kettle, I put celery, scallions, garlic, half a red onion, a tomato and two cooked potatoes that were lounging in the refrigerator doing nothing. I then threw in some radish leaves, carrots, a stalk of frozen corn I bought in the summer at the farmers’ market. Half a red pepper, a handful of frozen leeks, kosher salt, bay leaf and spices bubble and mix with the other ingredients. The amber broth is flavorful. I have a sick child upstairs, I feel so confused. But this homemade broth imbues a sense of peace and accomplishment within me.

Dramatic, slightly forced vegetable broth smile



In some ways, I think this is like the Scripture found in

Romans 8:28 (English Standard Version)


And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Aaron is eating next to nothing. He needs nutrition and hydration. I picture my OS sipping on this broth. Not sure that’s going to happen but wow, if it did, that would be the best. I’d feel like I did something significant. 
better than the boxed stuff, fo’ shur!
God is going to use this trial in our lives. He is more resourceful than I’ll ever be. My simple efforts at gathering things together to make a hearty broth pale to what Jesus does with our lives. He uses ALL things together for good for those who believe in Him. I believe, Lord. Aaron believes too. Let it be. 

ambulance

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When Aaron woke up from another nap this evening, his headache was terrible. We have tried many things and the remedies available to us at home aren’t working. The doctors do not believe he has meningitis because if it were bacterial, he wouldn’t be alive.

droplet precaution – not a good look on me but it’s ok

I have been hesitant for him to have a spinal tap because he doesn’t have a fever, can move his neck up and down and back and forth. If he has viral meningitis, they can’t treat it with antibiotics and if he doesn’t need to endure any painful medical procedure, I do not wish to make him feel even worse. If you think this is stupid, please keep that to yourself. You might have chosen differently and that’s ok but you’re not the mama of this OS. 


Right now we are in the ER. I called the ambulance, so thankful that the Hubs and I didn’t have a fight over this. He trusted me. 


So as my middle OS winced in pain and we awaited a doctor to prescribe stronger meds or do something, I prayed. Scripture verses came to me and I couldn’t tell you where to find them in the Bible but they are there. Sometimes Aaron would fill in the pauses. When I goofed up a verse, he corrected me. We both kinda laughed. 


As hours passed, as they are apt to do in an Emergency Room, we rubbed Aaron’s head, covered his eyes and assured him it was going to be ok.


Friends from church came by and prayed in the waiting room. Facebook messages flooded my phone. In this time of feeling so powerless, I noticed that Aaron, true to his nature, seemed to calm down a bit when I claimed who the Lord is in alphabetical order…


A…Abba
B…Bright Morning Star
C…Chief Cornerstone
D…Deliverer
E…Everlasting 
F…Father
G…God
H…Holy
I…(ok, I forgot an “I” attribute at the time but nonetheless He is Immanuel)
J…Joy
K…King
L…Love
M…Majestic
N…Noble
O…Omnipotent, Omnipresent
P…Provider
etc., etc., 


Then the pain meds arrived. He is sleeping. How could he not? Dilaudid, Toradol, Ativan pumped into his IV. We are resting not only because Aaron is not in agony but because of whom we are trusting. No one should do this without Jesus. Not a 16 year old child. Not a 40 something 🙂 mama or daddy. Not a 14 year old brother or a 20 year brother/Soldier. It’s just too hard to do this alone and although it is far from easy right now, I’m choosing to give this burden to the One who can carry it. 


Perhaps the reason I had such an epic birthday was because God knew I was going to need the boost for this week. 


Thanks for checking in, caring and praying…


Aaron’s mama

Still sick

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Aaron, my sweet boy

Look familiar? Same child, same symptoms, different medical facility…


Aaron awoke this morning with the same pounding headache accompanied by a new symptom, vomiting. For your information, retching, dry-heaving teenage boys with persistent headache are a rather pathetic sight. Last night he played his guitar a few times. It was good to hear his familiar singing and strumming. I got so hopeful, I allowed myself to think that life might be getting back to normal. I thought too soon. 


But as has been the case for several days now, the Hubs and I were awakened in the early hours to our middle OS begging for help. 


We are at the doctor’s office trying some anti-nausea meds along with migraine medication to stave off this pain. The only upside to any of this is that Aaron needs me. He puts his head on my lap and lets me rub his back. I bet if I asked him right now if he was going to go far away for college, he might actually say no. Why? Because he needs me (at least for the moment.) And since I want to live in this fantasy land, I’m not going to ask him that question. I’ll just intuit that is currently his dutiful answer.


I know there are (click the underlined links) many families enduring serious medical crises. For them, the possibility of relief is distant. You know many of those people too and might even be one of them. During my years as a mother, as a general practice, I have prayed for children that possess my OS’s names. At the end of the night, as I am tucking in my guys, occasionally we have prayed for a child whom we don’t know who might be suffering. Usually the Hubs prays for them and tucks them in. But when it’s my turn, for example, we might pray for an Aaron who is in the hospital, or an Isaac who is going to bed hungry or a Nate who has nowhere to live. 

yup

I guess I’m hoping that at this very moment, some mom is doing the same thing. For an Aaron she will never meet. And that prayer is lovingly received, dear mama out there. Right now, I am thankful for those of you who are praying for my Aaron. The child I adore who is sick and in pain. 

HOPE for my sick boy :(

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Official picture of misery

There is this hopeless, free-falling feeling when you have a sick child. Usually you fear the worst. One extreme to the other. This is no big deal. This is a HUGE deal. You don’t know if you’re over-reacting by running to the doctor or you’re negligent because you’ve decided to take your time. You watch and assess. You google and search. You feel so little and you need to be big. 


I’m at the emergency room with my middle OS. A pounding, almost unrelenting headache has required two visits to the urgent care and two visits to the hospital all in the span of 24 hours or less. As someone prone to anxiety issues, it’s hard to keep perspective and trust in the Lord in these moments. 

I love this kid

We’ve gone from the small measures to relieve Aaron’s pain to moving up the intervention. Soon he’ll be rolled down the hallway to get a CT scan. They’re running more blood tests. Please Lord, not a spinal tap! 


It’s like an elevator that has no bottom. You just want to do something. Is it a coincidence that just Monday we discussed hope in Teen CBS?  I was sitting around a table of teenage girls admonishing them to hope. I waxed eloquently as some of them are going through difficulties. Not because I said so but because God did. You should have seen me.  Oh the words of wisdom I bestowed upon these young ladies. And I believed every word. Still do. Even though I’m here in the Emergency Room with my precious Aaron. 

Romans 8:24-26 

24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

(patiently waiting in a room in the emergency department. patiently waiting as they roll my middle OS down the hall for tests. patiently waiting for results and relief. patiently waiting for a warm bed and restored health.)


 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

Empty rooms stink

(tired, hungry, scared, Lord, I’m groaning. people are praying. You are here with me though I’m physically alone in this room at this very moment. And my boy, God, you are with him too in the places where I cannot go.)

HOPE

Doesn’t get better than this!

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If I must get a year older to be shown such love, I am glad to be aging. Well, at least I felt that way last week! 
Birthday bliss was overflowing! I didn’t have to wait until the actual day either. On Wednesday, Mavis, one of my Bible Study friends made me a birthday cake. The main ingredients were unusual but thrilling. Are you ready for this? 

Beets – ohhhhhh!
zucchini – shablam!
carrots – wowwww!













Be still my beating heart. If those ingredients sound gross, you must experience these victuals in a cake. With homemade buttercream frosting. Oh my. It was dense, decadent and delish. 

No flavors of the veggies could be detected although I wouldn’t have complained. Here is the recipe. I only hope I can duplicate her efforts. 



Then on Thursday the doorbell rang and guess what arrived? 


tough guy

a bouquet of fresh colorful tulips from my son/Soldier. What a sugar boy. I am the only one that gets to call him sugar boy so don’t even try. Remember he knows how to hurt people. 

cherub-like creature

And few hours later, the doorbell rang again. A most sublime, cherub-like vision was carrying another treasure!


Elizabeth floated into my home holding two pints of a soft, edible fruit formed into clusters of soft dark-purple drupelets also known as blackberries. 

if this person knocks on your door, let her in!

I nearly cried. She had read my post mentioning blackberries and when she learned I didn’t have any yet, she brought them to me. 


So that got me thinking…since it worked with Elizabeth, here are a list of other things I’d really like but don’t have yet. I’m not saying you HAVE to get these for me but if you did, I would gladly post about it! 😉

I want this, please get it for me
A high quality food dehydrator 
You can also get me this
A Kindle 


And of course, then I’d need this

Purple, please

How can you not be blessed when this person stops by? With cake no less! 

The doorbell rang thrice. Could this really be happening? It was Danielle, possibly the sweetest girl from church, dropping off a homemade pound cake. She informed me that she had already made me a cake the night before but the dog ate it! So you know what she did? She made another one! After the meal of shrimp prepared by the Hubs, we lavished on perfectly sweetened pound cake topped with juicy blackberries.

Is this an unattractive picture? Yes! Do I care? Nope. 

I didn’t expect these blessings and yet treasures surrounded me. What great fortune!


Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow!








88 cents, actually 82 cents!

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At the start of our $50 grocery challenge, I never anticipated God would leave many touchstones for me this early. Our decision to attend Financial Peace University isn’t a mistake.

Since my birthday was last week (Thursday), admittedly I was worried that the day would fall flat. I mean we only had $12 left for food and that was Tuesday, how could MY birthday be properly celebrated?


As I mentioned previously, we are now using the “b” word regularly. Not the foul word bantered about without a care. And we are also using the “f” word. Not the offensive word that used to flow from my lips prior to knowing Christ. These new words are “budget” and “finances.” I wouldn’t say they are rolling off my tongue but they are slowly becoming part of our family lexicon.

We went to Trader Joe’s night after Ike’s basketball game. The team experienced a win against a formidable opponent. My orange hair, freckle face OS scored FIVE points and upon making one sah-weet basket, Ike looked my way and through his bright orange mouth guard, gave me the biggest grin. Melted my heart as I jumped from my seat.

As you get older, you worry less about how you look and you just go for it! 



With $12 remaining in last week’s $50 challenge, I chided the Hubs. We must stay on task even if it was the most notable day on the family calendar. Nervously we approached the check-out line at Trader Joe’s. A cart was barely necessary for our meager groceries. I pulled $10 out of my homemade tomato wallet (which I recently made and love!) and listened as the cashier announced the total.



We had 88 cents remaining on our food budget! Cha-ching! Resentment because we didn’t buy everything I would have liked was replaced with joy. I did not feel destitute, why I even recall spontaneous moments of smiling!

Tomato wallet in action

I do not want this to be some quixotic, fleeting adventure. I want our family to change and for God to be pleased with our efforts.


With the items purchased and the food we already had at home, the Hubs made a tasty dinner of rice, roasted asparagus and shrimp with soy sauce, ginger, garlic and Trader Joe limes. Yum.

Birthday dinner = wonderful!

This is the right thing for us to do. The time is right.


And just like those commercials for Ginzu knives, let me end with “but wait, there’s more!” In my next post, I will share the rest of this ridiculously memorable day! 


Oh and thank you so much for your ideas about eating healthy on a budget and couponing. I’m listening, give me more, people!

My Grocery Challenge

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On average, our family spends over $1100 a month on groceries. I learned this last week upon beginning Financial Peace Univeristy. Throughout our nearly 24 year marriage, I have made it a point to stay mostly ignorant on all things related to money. “Blah, blah, blah, blah…” is the script which ran through my head whenever the Hubs would want to have “the talk.” 


But now, for some reason, the Lord is giving me courage to open my eyes and share the responsibility with the Hubs. I feel both empowered by knowing our finances and encumbered because I now need to seriously participate in the process. We are not in financial straits at all yet the time seems right. 


We discussed our food budget. Aside from our mortage, it is the place where we spend the most. Although we narrowly averted a verbal altercation about lettuce right after attending church (!), we had a pleasant conversation about finances that night. My spirit was  challenged to consider ways we could cut back. 


I like to cook, it is my gift to my family. Cooking for others, entertaining, making new recipes; all these things are my passion. Coupons don’t work because we eat mostly fresh food or unprocessed items. I just see junky food in coupons. (Enlighten me if you feel otherwise!) For me, a cupboard full of food means stability. Bringing home groceries feels like I’m carting in Christmas presents for all to enjoy.


Yet as we were driving home from this week’s FPU lesson, I said something unexpected to the Hubs. When he told me that we had already spent $1100 on groceries this month, I blurted out the most preposterous thing.


“Let’s spend only $50 this week.”


HUH? I couldn’t take it back. The Hubs heard me and albeit he was shocked to hear those words coming out of MY mouth, he agreed. Here is a dramatic re-enactment of his facial expression. 

My husband. My muse. 

We announced the budget cut to the OS and a look of panic swept over their faces. Fear of starvation and famine, eating gruel and mush filled their adolescent minds and appetites.


So here we sit on Wednesday. According to my records, we only have $12 left until Sunday. 


For some time now, God has reminded me of this verse…



It’s Wednesday and everyone has a belly full of food. No one has gone hungry. Nutrition is plentiful. We even have shrimp in the freezer! Strangely, I feel a measure of peace. I have already prepared another meal for a family who has a wife battling breast cancer. I am in charge of snacks for my orange hair, freckle face OS’s basketball team tomorrow. I brought food to share during my women’s Bible Study. 

My daily longing for purchasing a large, unsweet iced tea is being satisfied at home with Trader Joe’s Mango Tea. The warm smell of turkey tacos, Guatemalan rice and seasoned tortilla chips permeates the house at this very moment. 


“Be content with what you have.”



I have spoken to the Lord and questioned Him about the timing though. “Um, Lord, I’m not sure if you realize this but it’s MY BIRTHDAY tomorrow (Thursday)! We only have 12 bucks, what are we going to do about that, hmmmmmm?” 

“Be content with what you have.”


I have requested homemade angel food cake (Ike’s specialty) for tomorrow. I’d love some fresh blackberries and homemade whipping cream if we can squeak the remaining $12 out to do so. I’m not sure what is on the menu for tomorrow’s birthday meal but as I assess my possessions, both earthly and those set on things above…


a sewing machine 🙂
a loving family
the blessings of treasured friends
stable finances and 
an enduring faith in the Lord,
and so much more


This will be my desire

to be content with all that I have

my bountiful life

Cooking in a Restaurant

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a pupuseria in El Salvador, doesn’t that look pretty? 

It was Saturday afternoon and Nate and I were on a mission. Much like the special training missions he goes on at West Point, my OS and I were focused and ready, steely-eyed and single-minded. Our task was significant. Nothing was going to stop us.

Our task – to procure ingredients and learn how to make a traditional Central American dish worthy of the fine country from which it hails. (Proclaimed in a loud, official voice with great gesticulation) A country whose name is on our lips more than I ever expected. A country I visited on a true mission trip from the Lord and while there serendipitously met a beautiful girl with whom my OS is now in love. The girl is Lu. The country is El Salvador, the dish, mi amigos…(cue dramatic music)

a pupusa
a real pupuseria in El Salvador
the adorable couple in El Salvador during Christmas

Nate had announced his desire to make pupusas for the family prior to arriving home for a brief visit. With two trips to San Salvador under his belt, he has embraced both his girlfriend and these thick, hand-made tortillas with gusto. A few months ago, Aaron and I happened upon a local Mexican restaurant that makes pupusas. A coincidence? I think not. Aaron was getting his driver’s permit and this restaurant is literally next door to the DMV! How convenient that it is only ten minutes from our house!

So my Soldier/OS and I drove to Tarascos Restaurant and went inside. 

Good salsa, great pupusas, lovely people!



Without hesitation, we each ordered a pupusa. A casual conversation began between us and the employees. Nate practiced his Spanish per my prodding. I think it’s so important to speak another language! As a French major, I actually understood some of the conversation. These people were warm and friendly especially when Nate explained that his girlfriend was Salvadoran. It appeared that they weren’t used to Americanos coming in and ordering pupusas.


Nate making his first pupusa

We inquired about how to make the perfect pupusa and before we knew it, the cook had invited us back to the kitchen. We had personalized instruction from Lillia who showed us how to make pupusas! Honored that she was taking the time to demonstrate the technique, Lillia invited Nate to try to make a pupusa himself. Pupusas aren’t hard to make at all but seeing her skilled hand prepare them was invaluable.
I predict that one day this guy’s gonna open up his own
pupuseria in the States! 





My little cutie-patooty and his pupusas!

So how did OUR pupusas taste? Aaron and Ike were rather unimpressed. Nate felt as if he was tasting play-dough. I didn’t think they were that bad. They were definitely better than the pupusas the Hubs tried to make a few weeks ago. Can you say “blech!” 

We did everything according to her instructions. I was a keen observer and despite the lack of flavor when we tried to make pupusas at home, we need to not give up. There wasn’t a secret ingredient mixed into the corn flour but maybe it was the seasoned griddle Lillia used, I’m still trying to figure it out.  I’m not giving up on mastering this dish though, I assure you! I just finished the book The Art of Eating In and feel more compelled than ever to master tasty, interesting, economical meals for my family. 

We are praying that one day, Lord willing, Lu and her family will come here for a very special cooking demonstration.  

Even though our pupusas weren’t as good as the ones in El Salvador and at Tarasco’s, we remain blessed and optimistic about the future of cooking and of love. When the world feels so close and people get along, it is cause to rejoice!

Ring, ring!

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If the cliche wasn’t so true, I wouldn’t use it but where has the time gone? Nate is now ring shopping!

Two cuties in El Salvador

If your heart skipped a beat, and you’re like “Wha?????” settle down there! If you imagined our OS searching for a shiny bauble for a Salvadorena beauty, I’m sorry to disappoint you. We’re not there yet.

Nate is ring shopping for himself and deciding about the type of ring he wants as a 2012 graduate of the United States Military Academy.

* June 2008 R-Day, my boy walked by us in the parade and oh how I wanted to run and grab him take him away from all these people yelling! Nate had made his mind up, he was going to West Point and I couldn’t stand in the way.

During an impromptu visit home (which aside from Ike’s flu, made it the best MLK weekend I’ve ever had!) Nate showed us the brochure featuring his ring options.

What a huge ac- complishment for our OS to be on the other side of the 48 month experience known as West Point. I sat beside him on Sunday pondering that the eager, determined teenager who entered West Point on that most notable day is now a competent, strong leader and man.

I like this figurative place as a WP mom.

You see, I’m strategically positioned to be content about all that he has done while not giving too much worry to what he’s going to do AFTER graduation. I can celebrate the cool stuff like my OS getting a ring and block out the “other things” like when and where he will be deployed. Not. going. there.

Let’s just concentrate on jewelry, shall we?

What makes a West Point ring especially significant is the symbolism literally melted in the ring.

Following the death of a West Point grad, some families, upon the bequest of the departed grad or simply to pass on tradition, donate the ring back to West Point. It’s called the Ring Memorial Program.

The ring is then melted and the shavings are used to help create a new ring.

When West Point grads receives their ring, they have a part of the men and women of the Long Gray Line with them.

* This is the march back from Buckner where Beast was held – a momentous event!

The design of the 2012 crest features two swords symbolizing the graduates going from a cadet to an officer. I will stuff my purse with Kleenex as I see this ring on my boy’s finger. Partially because it will be no small feat to get a ring over his  gi-normous knuckle and also because I will be bursting with pride.

Next year, the Hubs and I will attend the Ring Weekend. Nate will be on the receiving end of Ring Poop which thankfully has nothing to do with #2!

I will buy an expensive new dress and possibly several new outfits for the event.

The Hubs and I are attending Financial Peace University so I guess I’ll need to start saving up right now because this girl is gonna bring it! 😉 I won’t be wearing anything like this.

WOW!

Personally I like matching shoes.

But perhaps something like this?

Hmmm…This might be a little over the top but then again, maybe not!

As the mama of three sons, it’s rare for me to talk bling in this household so I’m going to cherish this moment and not hurry to the next!

Morning Glory

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If you gave up on me, I don’t blame you. I nearly gave up too. The long lapse in posts is because I had to prioritize things in my life and finding time to write was nearly impossible. I’m going to limit this post just so I can make sure I publish it. Thanks for coming back and encouraging me!


A brief summary, life is good. The burning question is what’s going on with the “romance”? Answer: as indicated in the picture, Nate’s still in love and Lu’s still very fond of him.  I’ll blog more about this as I get those posts “approved.”

Two people who like each other…a lot



But Thursday morning, I awoke to the sweet bristle of whiskers on my face. Wearing my customary and oh so attractive sleep eye mask and two, yes two bite guards, Sleeping Beauty would have been jealous. With all my nocturnal regalia, I wasn’t sure who was giving me affection but I liked it. Then I heard these words, “Sorry, Mama for talking rudely to you last night. It was disrespectful and I shouldn’t have done it. Will you please forgive me?” Of course, I knew exactly whom it was and my heart smiled as I accepted his apology.

Please don’t be jealous



You see, on Wednesday evening, my orange-haired, freckle face 14 year old OS had committed several “transgressions” just before going to bed. Why does it happen that one minute everything is going swimmingly then it careens into the abyss? With very little warning, our family is prone to go from peace to war in record time! 

One of our family’s fave books of all time

Ike went to bed still angry and completely certain HE was right as usual. William Steig’s adorable book Spinky Sulks is hilarious and pretty much a biography of my boy! This stubborn recalcitrance is not the way we prefer for our OS to enter Dreamland but Ike wasn’t going to budge. I believe the technical words for this condition are SIN and PRIDE! Definitely from the Hubs’ side of the family. The Hubs still tucked him into bed that night and though I shall never grow tired to hearing the cadence of “good nights and I love you’s” nary a peep echoed from his bedroom. I’m certain he bitterly muttered to himself, “Just remember THEY are wrong. YOU are right!” over and over again.

It is mere coincidence that I am holding something with Attitude. I never have an Attitude! Hrmph!


In addition, our oldest OS called from West Point shortly afterward informing us that he was heading to the hospital. The unpleasant and quite gross remnants of his Christmas trip to El Salvador were lingering FARRRRR too long. Thus our night ended with a resounding thud.

But I knew something or rather Someone would speak to Isaac in a way I could not. In the quiet of his room, a still, small voice, one pure and 100% reliable, would nudge my orange-haired, freckle face OS to make it right with those he loved. Ike wanted nothing to do with my reasons why an apology was warranted but I was certain Ike would never win a round arguing with the Lord.  


I also knew the same Source who would chasten Isaac would also be with my oldest OS at the hospital in New York. I prayed with Nate before he left for the hospital, I can’t even imagine how a mom, let alone the mama of a Soldier does this whole mothering thing without Jesus. Seriously. 


When situations are such that a mama can’t be with her children in difficult times, it is comforting to know that God is perfectly equipped to be there. I need to remember this as my OS navigate life…Nate will one day be serving his country elsewhere probably far away, Aaron has a heart for ministry and graduates high school next year, Ike eagerly talks about adopting children one day AND being in the NBA. 

I.am.happy.

Despite our family’s imperfections (and they are numerous!) and our ugliness (simply envision me with the sleeping mask and two, yes two mouth guards!), God cared, healed and repaired. Amen


Thanks for listening! Would love your comments