Wednesday around 3am, I felt like a puny junior high girl in PE class…
Good times posing in the Kmart photo booth
Circa 1974ish
My opponent this time wasn’t the rope that was hooked to the gym ceiling that I never could climb at Jefferson Junior HIgh
And it wasn’t the chin-up bar from which I couldn’t pull myself to save my life or my dignity
Wednesday morning, I wasn’t the last one picked for the volleyball match or the girl who lost the softball game
in my red PE shorts, red and white thin-striped polyester PE shirt with red trim, a lithe and flat female frame devoid of all muscle tone either
No, in the wee hours of Wednesday, I was in bed, in my pajamas, a grown woman!
but I just as felt defeated that night (or should I say morning) sleep mask, pillows, fan going full blast
Tired
because I took the stupid Ambien
it was 3am and I told the Lord I was going to do it
There have been times when I have told Jesus I was going to do something and I knew He wasn’t going to like it
I bet you have too
but I was so tired
and having been up with my orange hair, freckle face OS for yet another night
feeling helpless about how to care for him and desperate for some rest
I swallowed that tiny pill and fell asleep with my sick boy nearby
I continue to trust in the Lord
Middle school Cindy
Blocking out the Enemy’s voices that remind me of my failings
My Holy One is teaching me things
I may falter and get distracted
Day and night
Ambien and life
But there is grace
My Heavenly Father presides over me
And through Him, I can do all things
Even sleep
The Lord loved that little wimpy middle school Cindy way back then and is compassionate towards me now. I’m on his team, He picked me many years ago and doesn’t laugh at my shortcomings but gives me the courage to press on
And so I will try again and claim this promise
Isaiah 40:31 (KJV)
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Thanks for listening….I welcome your thoughts and prayers
My Awesome Olive Shoots 
Just remember my friend, a set back is a set up for a come back!! Keep pursuing your goal and God will grant you the desires of your heart!! Love you!
Thank you Stacey! It is a big struggle but I want to be victorious over this not because of me but because of Jesus doing a new thing in my life. I appreciate the prayers greatly!
PE class is over-rated from someone who couldn’t do any of those things either! You’ve been really busy lately and lots of life changes. Praying with and for you! Sending hugs, my friend.
Thanks ikceb! Many changes and more coming and I’m sure that’s not helping me establish a sleeping routine! You and I would have been gym class buddies, that’s for sure!
Thank you for your honest confession,…I have not been able to kick the habit, or even come close to it. 😦
Shucks Karen! I hate that for you! Perhaps the time isn’t right. Don’t give up forever, it’s not easy and I wish I were the only one struggling because I hate it for others. I will be praying for you, we can do this, in God’s timing and with His strength. ❤
Definitely praying. I am so proud of you for sharing this setback. It’s so much harder for Satan to hold it over your head when you’ve already brought it out into the light.
You may have talked about this earlier, but have you tried melatonin or any other herbal supplements? I am using some herbal vitamins in place of my antidepressants, and they are helping a lot without the side-effects I was getting before.
Love you!
I take something called Liquid Light at night and that might help a little. I also take Calcium Magnesium. I appreciate your perspective because Satan wants me to fail and the Lord tell me I am more than a conqueror. As the afternoon draws on, I confess, I’m feeling a little anxious about another eventful night. Ike has been sick for nearly a week and I’m awakened at night to my boy needing my help and it is impossible to fall back asleep. Thanks for your suggestions and care! Love you too!
Cindy, we will all be praying for you tonight. And remember what Kristi said last night. It’s ok!
Thanks Meredith! I appreciate it. I wasn’t sure about writing about my latest disappointment but after meeting with you all, I thought it was worth trying.
Sweetie – be gentle with yourself. There is no pass or fail in the kingdom of God, only grace.Your strength does not lie in whether or not you take a little pill, it is in your wonderful and precious character. Love you and will be praying for you.
Thank you dear Carol. I must remember this as I press on and move forward. You and I know that we are more than conquerors!<3
Beautifully said Carol!!!