Doing hard things – out of love

This is for you, dear grandma
We like each other…a lot

After Friday’s heartbreaking news, I’ve been afraid to return to the pool. Though I may look the same, my sentiments in almost every regard are altered. My grandma will not be getting better this side of heaven. I am not sure what to do. So I cry, I think about crying, I dry my face after crying and repeat. Feelings of overwhelming sorrow are mixed with tremendous gratefulness. My grandma has been in my life for nearly half a century, that is such a blessing. But gosh, I’m going to miss her. I will miss everything about her. Even the things that were less than perfect, she meant the world to me.

If only I could stay in that moment

My OS start school on Wednesday. Prior to the phone call about my grandma; days before, in fact, tears flowed thinking about them not being home. Now the impending loss of my grandmother looms near. I wanted to herald this summer as one of incredible memories. Difficulties pervade on where to put this latest news into my epic summer scenery.

Yet despite my heartache, the Hubs and I went to the pool. My spunky, kick-in-the-pants grandma would want this. 

So to honor her, I plunged into the water. As I came up for air, tears poured into my swim goggles which was a new experience…The salty pool water matched my salty tears. I had to empty the goggles out several times. The Hubs held me tight as I fell into his arms. I’m pretty sure I was the only person weeping in the water. 

As I see it, I have three options:
1. quit = give up (my grandma has always been a spitfire)
2. stagnate = no more progress (my grandma moved forward despite great losses)
3. keep at it = trust in the Lord (my grandma would be proud of me)

A force, greater than myself (which I know to be my Savior), allowed me to do another thing today. Previously, as my orange hair, freckle face OS informed me, I frolicked off the diving board. But with the Hubs’ encouragement, I pushed myself off the surface and into the air with greater vigor. And I touched the bottom of the nine foot pool. That was also a first. And then, of course, I cried.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement. Keep doing your own Hard Things, dear friends, even when it hurts.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
Psalm 56:3

4 thoughts on “Doing hard things – out of love

  1. I am praying for you, my sweet friend. We must walk through the difficulties of this life…with hope. And I'm so proud of you for your bravery. You are a conqueror!!I long for Jesus' return. Don't you?I love you!

  2. Dear Cindy – wow this blog entry must have been very hard to write but what a silver lining blessing there is within…..such encouragement & such COURAGE-MENT!!You are honoring your grandma w/ your words and actions. Praying for you!Just want to share this from the STREAMS IN THE DESERT devotional this a.m…."I cannot do it alone;The waves run fast and high,And the fogs close all around,The light goes out in the sky;But I know that we twoShall win in the end, Jesus and I. "Coward and wayward and weak,I change with the changing sky;Today so eager and bright,Tomorrow too weak to try;But He never gives in,So we two shall win, Jesus and I. "I could not guide it myself,My boat on life's wild sea;There's One who sits by my side,Who pulls and steers with me.And I know that we twoShall safe enter port,Jesus and I."Love you dear friend!Janice

  3. I still miss my grandmother and she has been gone for 30 years. You have no idea how precious it is that your grandmother was here for your children!What priceless memories of all she has taught you. Wow. Sounds like she would so enjoy all your swimming. So awesome to see how she has inspired you the way she has! Keep going on going!

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