I have never wanted to be normal. I like being different. I like bright colored walls, streaks of pink on my hair, making my own chicken broth and although I have many insecurities, I like those things about me. I don’t consider myself weird or strange but also not ordinary.
That is until today. Today I found out I was “normal.” Today I found out I do not have cancer.
For almost eight months now, I have been suffering from constant hip pain. I took an exercise class back in February and I’m not sure what happened but I felt something like a tear in my hip. I had trouble walking out of the class and even to my car. I learned that I didn’t rip any tendons but I haven’t been the same since that class. I’ve been to numerous doctors, physical therapists, massage therapists, you name it and the pain hasn’t abated. I’ve had MRIs, CT scans and felt drained emotionally as the pain has traveled to my back and left hip.
A recent x-ray revealed something that required further tests. I have waited about a week to get the results. This afternoon, as I sat in the doctor’s office today by myself. I alternately played Scrabble on my iPod Touch and prayed to Jesus. When my doctor walked into the room, I barely exchanged pleasantries. I just wanted to get the news.
When she said that the tests didn’t show anything cancerous, I felt so thankful. Today I found out that I was normal. As much as I enjoy being different, I want desperately to be normal.
I realize that some of you reading my post today have been in my place. You’ve sat in the sterile doctor’s office waiting to see if your life was going to drastically change. I know some of you have accompanied a loved one to get test results and surely your heart sank when you didn’t get the kind of news I received today. I have hesitated to even write this post today because I do not want to cause anyone sadness. Please forgive me if you have heard different news and you are hurting because of me, in some small way.
I still have another medical test regarding some ovarian cysts. And I am not giving up on overcoming this ongoing struggle.
But tonight y’all, although I don’t have all the answers, I am happy that as far as certain things are concerned, I am normal. 😉 I raise a bowl of homemade chicken broth in Paris up high for being normal!