Category Archives: the Hubs

Doing hard things – the diving board

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I jumped!

Interrupting my scheduled post about swimming to bring you the latest development in achieving aquatic greatness… on Saturday, for the first time in my life, I jumped off the diving board!!!


This journey began in 1985 when the Hubs and I were dating. He told me he would teach me how to swim. There was a pool in the apartment complex where I lived and occasionally we went there. He soon discovered I was a reluctant learner but it was the beginning of my journey to overcome my fear. I knew he was the one for me because he didn’t let me drown. He was someone I could trust implicitly.  


With great coaxing and reassurance, a few times, I leaped into the deep end of the pool where my boyfriend (now the Hubs) was waiting with open arms. 


It was such a significant moment, I decided to express the moment in a painting. My desire was to depict two feet in mid-air, no longer tethered by a sturdy, secure surface (a diving board) and not yet hitting the water. That fraction of a second when one completely trusts carried great symbolism for me. 

this diving board has intimidated me for too long

I never finished that painting. I’m not really an artist either so honestly it wasn’t great. Last year, after spending decades lugging the picture to new homes only to shove it in a closet, I threw the unfinished painting into the trash. There was no point hanging on to that picture. I possessed a mediocre unfinished drawing depicting a skill I had never accomplished. Who needs another reminder of failure? Um, not me.

“Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout Willis???”

Fast forward to July 9, 2011…we went to our neighborhood pool Saturday and the Hubs encouraged me to jump off the diving board. Through my trusty swim goggles, I gave him my best “Whatchoo talkin’ bout Willis???” face and hopped out of the pool. 


The next thing I knew I was on the diving board plank and a second later, I was in the water. Then I swam to the side of the pool which I did for the first time in my life. I didn’t drown or flounder. This was another breakthrough. 

“Did I look like a normal person doing that?”

Afterward, on land, I whispered and asked the Hubs, “Be honest with me, did I look like a normal person doing that?” I have pink highlights in my hair and a henna tattoo on my arm yet I completely believed him when he nodded and said yes. I’m married to an awesome man. 
My goal is for this to be a normal occurrence. Is it possible for me to fearlessly swim and not think twice about it? I pray, I really do, for the day when I’m as comfortable on a pool slide or diving board (not diving!) as I am in the kitchen. I have no hesitation to try a new recipe and can usually handle a culinary mistake. 


Torpor has robbed me of memories, I’m ready as it says in Romans 8:37 to be “more than a conqueror” especially as it pertains to swimming. 

I need to do this again and again until it no longer scares me. 



I no longer have that unfinished artwork.  Instead I have a new canvas. Perhaps I never completed that painting because I was relying on my own strength and not the Lord’s.  This time it will be better than the original. 

Aquatic greatness 😉

And it will be created, dear friends, not with brush strokes but with swimming strokes.  I’m making progress. This was an epic event! Thanks again for your encouraging words.    

Wednesday remix – bathing suits

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The Hubs back in the day doing the Baywatch thing
What family vacation wouldn’t be complete without a trip for some sort of medical issue? The tradition began on our honeymoon in Portugal almost 24 years ago when I sliced open my big toe. While walking upstairs to our condo, one misstep with a flipflop and the next thing I knew, the Hubs was carrying me piggyback style to the car. Soon we arrived at a medical center with questionable hygeine practice and I got several stitches! Oh the memories! 
Hence we have been to countless pharmacies, hospitals, urgent care centers and doctor visits. This trip to Mexico is no exception. This time it was not an especially life-threatening event but nonetheless embarrassing for a special member of our family.
The first day at Playa del Carmen was spent in the ocean. The Hubs is quite the fish, having spent two years in Guam as a young boy. But as good and strong of a man he is, (and ladies, he is strong like bull!) the delicate bathing suit area commonly covered with mesh and elastic is easily irritated.
The waves, although gentle to the rest of us, assaulted the Hubs. Grains of sand rubbed against him and by the end of the day, the Hubs was beyond miserable. How ironic to believe that if he didn’t get any relief, I might be the only parent in our family in the ocean! This would be a first.
“I will not be limited by mesh lining and elastic.”
Our Spanish vocabulary is quite limited despite the fact that our oldest OS has been to El Salvador four times in a year and is in love with a beautiful Salvadorena. Nate has learned many words but “chafing” isn’t one of them. We strolled into the hotel store but lacked the vocabulary to adaquately and appropriately explain the problem. I had no choice but to point to the affected area. I used myself as the model and she giggled as she tried to understand my question. 
“Hotelshops…your one stop spot
for all your ointment needs.”

The cashier, the Hubs and I debated whether the Hubs might need a diaper cream or something with retinol for wrinkles. This was no time for pride and soon we finally decided on the wrinkle ointment. No sooner was the purchase made then the Hubs scooted into the bathroom for prompt application.

I’m happy to tell you that he is now a happy camper/fish. To remove any chance of recurrence, the Hubs also went to the front desk and borrowed a pair of scissors. The mesh has since been removed and all is well in our little aqua world in Mexico.
This post has been approved, albeit begrudgingly, by the Hubs. He is my macho man with a sensitive side! And one more thing, should you ever need it, here’s a helpful phrase in Spanish…estoy rozando = I’m chafing! 
They were NOT all chafing simultaneously! They were acting like guys!







Dads

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My husband didn’t really know what he wanted to be when he grew up. As a young boy, aside from aspiring to be like Jacques Cousteau, he didn’t have a dream profession. 

One of my all-time fave pics of the Hubs

But the one thing the Hubs says he always wanted was to be a dad. 


On April 12, 1990, I assisted him in achieving this dream, thank you very much, when Nate was born. Our baby had a cone-head but to us, he was gorgeous. Four years later, the Hubs’ prayers were answered again this time with Aaron. Our middle OS was a juicy butterball, we were smitten. Lastly, in 1996, the Hubs became the father of a ginger. Ike is our orange hair, freckle face child who routinely makes life interesting. The Hubs is the youngest of three sons. He knows what it’s like to live with brothers and now he can speak with authority about raising sons. That’s pretty cool if you ask me. 

Look at that snappy dresser rockin’ the red tie!



I surveyed the long list of prospective suitors and husbands fancying me nearly 25 years ago. 🙂 Trust me when I say that the field of eligible men was miles long.  Seriously! ;% I considered each man’s potential spousal and parental qualifications and compiled graphs and charts or at least that’s how I’m choosing to remember things! Finally out of a field of many (ahem), I picked the Hubs. God has reminded me that I chose well. 

There ain’t nothing wimpy about needing your dad

Observation of the Hubs‘ impressive skills as a father have come to light during our recent health concerns with Aaron. Per Aaron’s request, the Hubs was often upstairs by his side. Our 16 year old OS wanted his daddy to rub his head. When teenage guy is reduced to saying, “Daddy,” you know he’s in pain.  


I can attest to Mark’s talents. When the Hubs and I were first married, he would rub my head and gently tug on my hair when my head felt like it was going to burst due to migraines. 


Our bedroom was clothed in darkness, the Hubs sat next to his sweet boy and rubbed his head with just the right amount of pressure. Then on Saturday night, we sat by Aaron’s bedside at the hospital. Aaron could barely utter a word. The pain was so great. With it being the third hospital visit in days, the Hubs and I were worried and exhausted. As desperate and tired parents, we felt helpless but I heard Mark when he said aloud by the bed rail, “give this to me.” 

Three year old Nate with a fractured skull, don’t recommend it

Without a second thought, the Hubs would have traded brains with our son. If he could have assumed Aaron’s excruciating pain, he would have done it. I felt that way when Nate was three years old and he fell out of our second-story bedroom window. Our oldest OS suffered a fractured skull and as we waited for the test results in the waiting room, I told the doctor that if Nate needed any body part, any part at all, the doctor could take it from me and I would die, no questions asked. I gave him permission without hesitation. My hope is that everyone who reads this post has no idea what I’m writing about but if you’re a parent, you probably get it. 


Through all of this I too, have cried out for my Father. My Heavenly Father listened to my pleas and sustained me. I have sensed His presence and leaned on Him for strength. 


The Hubs wasn’t saying “give this to me” to anyone but the Lord. Such is the father’s love for his son. As I hear the sweet sounds of my middle OS strumming on his guitar, this Wednesday night is especially lovely. 

ambulance

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When Aaron woke up from another nap this evening, his headache was terrible. We have tried many things and the remedies available to us at home aren’t working. The doctors do not believe he has meningitis because if it were bacterial, he wouldn’t be alive.

droplet precaution – not a good look on me but it’s ok

I have been hesitant for him to have a spinal tap because he doesn’t have a fever, can move his neck up and down and back and forth. If he has viral meningitis, they can’t treat it with antibiotics and if he doesn’t need to endure any painful medical procedure, I do not wish to make him feel even worse. If you think this is stupid, please keep that to yourself. You might have chosen differently and that’s ok but you’re not the mama of this OS. 


Right now we are in the ER. I called the ambulance, so thankful that the Hubs and I didn’t have a fight over this. He trusted me. 


So as my middle OS winced in pain and we awaited a doctor to prescribe stronger meds or do something, I prayed. Scripture verses came to me and I couldn’t tell you where to find them in the Bible but they are there. Sometimes Aaron would fill in the pauses. When I goofed up a verse, he corrected me. We both kinda laughed. 


As hours passed, as they are apt to do in an Emergency Room, we rubbed Aaron’s head, covered his eyes and assured him it was going to be ok.


Friends from church came by and prayed in the waiting room. Facebook messages flooded my phone. In this time of feeling so powerless, I noticed that Aaron, true to his nature, seemed to calm down a bit when I claimed who the Lord is in alphabetical order…


A…Abba
B…Bright Morning Star
C…Chief Cornerstone
D…Deliverer
E…Everlasting 
F…Father
G…God
H…Holy
I…(ok, I forgot an “I” attribute at the time but nonetheless He is Immanuel)
J…Joy
K…King
L…Love
M…Majestic
N…Noble
O…Omnipotent, Omnipresent
P…Provider
etc., etc., 


Then the pain meds arrived. He is sleeping. How could he not? Dilaudid, Toradol, Ativan pumped into his IV. We are resting not only because Aaron is not in agony but because of whom we are trusting. No one should do this without Jesus. Not a 16 year old child. Not a 40 something 🙂 mama or daddy. Not a 14 year old brother or a 20 year brother/Soldier. It’s just too hard to do this alone and although it is far from easy right now, I’m choosing to give this burden to the One who can carry it. 


Perhaps the reason I had such an epic birthday was because God knew I was going to need the boost for this week. 


Thanks for checking in, caring and praying…


Aaron’s mama

Doesn’t get better than this!

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If I must get a year older to be shown such love, I am glad to be aging. Well, at least I felt that way last week! 
Birthday bliss was overflowing! I didn’t have to wait until the actual day either. On Wednesday, Mavis, one of my Bible Study friends made me a birthday cake. The main ingredients were unusual but thrilling. Are you ready for this? 

Beets – ohhhhhh!
zucchini – shablam!
carrots – wowwww!













Be still my beating heart. If those ingredients sound gross, you must experience these victuals in a cake. With homemade buttercream frosting. Oh my. It was dense, decadent and delish. 

No flavors of the veggies could be detected although I wouldn’t have complained. Here is the recipe. I only hope I can duplicate her efforts. 



Then on Thursday the doorbell rang and guess what arrived? 


tough guy

a bouquet of fresh colorful tulips from my son/Soldier. What a sugar boy. I am the only one that gets to call him sugar boy so don’t even try. Remember he knows how to hurt people. 

cherub-like creature

And few hours later, the doorbell rang again. A most sublime, cherub-like vision was carrying another treasure!


Elizabeth floated into my home holding two pints of a soft, edible fruit formed into clusters of soft dark-purple drupelets also known as blackberries. 

if this person knocks on your door, let her in!

I nearly cried. She had read my post mentioning blackberries and when she learned I didn’t have any yet, she brought them to me. 


So that got me thinking…since it worked with Elizabeth, here are a list of other things I’d really like but don’t have yet. I’m not saying you HAVE to get these for me but if you did, I would gladly post about it! 😉

I want this, please get it for me
A high quality food dehydrator 
You can also get me this
A Kindle 


And of course, then I’d need this

Purple, please

How can you not be blessed when this person stops by? With cake no less! 

The doorbell rang thrice. Could this really be happening? It was Danielle, possibly the sweetest girl from church, dropping off a homemade pound cake. She informed me that she had already made me a cake the night before but the dog ate it! So you know what she did? She made another one! After the meal of shrimp prepared by the Hubs, we lavished on perfectly sweetened pound cake topped with juicy blackberries.

Is this an unattractive picture? Yes! Do I care? Nope. 

I didn’t expect these blessings and yet treasures surrounded me. What great fortune!


Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow!








88 cents, actually 82 cents!

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At the start of our $50 grocery challenge, I never anticipated God would leave many touchstones for me this early. Our decision to attend Financial Peace University isn’t a mistake.

Since my birthday was last week (Thursday), admittedly I was worried that the day would fall flat. I mean we only had $12 left for food and that was Tuesday, how could MY birthday be properly celebrated?


As I mentioned previously, we are now using the “b” word regularly. Not the foul word bantered about without a care. And we are also using the “f” word. Not the offensive word that used to flow from my lips prior to knowing Christ. These new words are “budget” and “finances.” I wouldn’t say they are rolling off my tongue but they are slowly becoming part of our family lexicon.

We went to Trader Joe’s night after Ike’s basketball game. The team experienced a win against a formidable opponent. My orange hair, freckle face OS scored FIVE points and upon making one sah-weet basket, Ike looked my way and through his bright orange mouth guard, gave me the biggest grin. Melted my heart as I jumped from my seat.

As you get older, you worry less about how you look and you just go for it! 



With $12 remaining in last week’s $50 challenge, I chided the Hubs. We must stay on task even if it was the most notable day on the family calendar. Nervously we approached the check-out line at Trader Joe’s. A cart was barely necessary for our meager groceries. I pulled $10 out of my homemade tomato wallet (which I recently made and love!) and listened as the cashier announced the total.



We had 88 cents remaining on our food budget! Cha-ching! Resentment because we didn’t buy everything I would have liked was replaced with joy. I did not feel destitute, why I even recall spontaneous moments of smiling!

Tomato wallet in action

I do not want this to be some quixotic, fleeting adventure. I want our family to change and for God to be pleased with our efforts.


With the items purchased and the food we already had at home, the Hubs made a tasty dinner of rice, roasted asparagus and shrimp with soy sauce, ginger, garlic and Trader Joe limes. Yum.

Birthday dinner = wonderful!

This is the right thing for us to do. The time is right.


And just like those commercials for Ginzu knives, let me end with “but wait, there’s more!” In my next post, I will share the rest of this ridiculously memorable day! 


Oh and thank you so much for your ideas about eating healthy on a budget and couponing. I’m listening, give me more, people!

My Grocery Challenge

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On average, our family spends over $1100 a month on groceries. I learned this last week upon beginning Financial Peace Univeristy. Throughout our nearly 24 year marriage, I have made it a point to stay mostly ignorant on all things related to money. “Blah, blah, blah, blah…” is the script which ran through my head whenever the Hubs would want to have “the talk.” 


But now, for some reason, the Lord is giving me courage to open my eyes and share the responsibility with the Hubs. I feel both empowered by knowing our finances and encumbered because I now need to seriously participate in the process. We are not in financial straits at all yet the time seems right. 


We discussed our food budget. Aside from our mortage, it is the place where we spend the most. Although we narrowly averted a verbal altercation about lettuce right after attending church (!), we had a pleasant conversation about finances that night. My spirit was  challenged to consider ways we could cut back. 


I like to cook, it is my gift to my family. Cooking for others, entertaining, making new recipes; all these things are my passion. Coupons don’t work because we eat mostly fresh food or unprocessed items. I just see junky food in coupons. (Enlighten me if you feel otherwise!) For me, a cupboard full of food means stability. Bringing home groceries feels like I’m carting in Christmas presents for all to enjoy.


Yet as we were driving home from this week’s FPU lesson, I said something unexpected to the Hubs. When he told me that we had already spent $1100 on groceries this month, I blurted out the most preposterous thing.


“Let’s spend only $50 this week.”


HUH? I couldn’t take it back. The Hubs heard me and albeit he was shocked to hear those words coming out of MY mouth, he agreed. Here is a dramatic re-enactment of his facial expression. 

My husband. My muse. 

We announced the budget cut to the OS and a look of panic swept over their faces. Fear of starvation and famine, eating gruel and mush filled their adolescent minds and appetites.


So here we sit on Wednesday. According to my records, we only have $12 left until Sunday. 


For some time now, God has reminded me of this verse…



It’s Wednesday and everyone has a belly full of food. No one has gone hungry. Nutrition is plentiful. We even have shrimp in the freezer! Strangely, I feel a measure of peace. I have already prepared another meal for a family who has a wife battling breast cancer. I am in charge of snacks for my orange hair, freckle face OS’s basketball team tomorrow. I brought food to share during my women’s Bible Study. 

My daily longing for purchasing a large, unsweet iced tea is being satisfied at home with Trader Joe’s Mango Tea. The warm smell of turkey tacos, Guatemalan rice and seasoned tortilla chips permeates the house at this very moment. 


“Be content with what you have.”



I have spoken to the Lord and questioned Him about the timing though. “Um, Lord, I’m not sure if you realize this but it’s MY BIRTHDAY tomorrow (Thursday)! We only have 12 bucks, what are we going to do about that, hmmmmmm?” 

“Be content with what you have.”


I have requested homemade angel food cake (Ike’s specialty) for tomorrow. I’d love some fresh blackberries and homemade whipping cream if we can squeak the remaining $12 out to do so. I’m not sure what is on the menu for tomorrow’s birthday meal but as I assess my possessions, both earthly and those set on things above…


a sewing machine 🙂
a loving family
the blessings of treasured friends
stable finances and 
an enduring faith in the Lord,
and so much more


This will be my desire

to be content with all that I have

my bountiful life

The Bible in the kitchen

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I awoke one morning recently and found, for the SECOND DAY STRAIGHT!!!!,  that my OS had failed to empty the dishwasher. To put it mildly, I very much dislike emptying the dishwasher. I’ll clean a bathroom, scrub a toilet, even mop a floor but DON’T and I repeat DON’T go to school and leave me a dishwasher full of clean kitchenware. Consider yourself warned.


I didn’t go berserk because I didn’t have time. And that’s because of the next thing I saw in the kitchen. 


Check it out. 





I observed a Bible and a pair of glasses on the kitchen table both belonging to my middle OS. Let me tell you, it is really hard to stay angry about a full dishwasher when you behold this sight.



Aaron has a faithful morning ritual. At 16 years old, he wakes himself up early, brews a cup of French press coffee and reads Scripture. Specifically he awakes at 5:45 every school day and reads two chapters from the Old Testament and two chapters from the New Testament. Donned in a homemade robe I made him years ago, sipping java, Aaron and the Lord spend time together. 


When I was his age, I didn’t even own a Bible. I had a book of prayers used in the religion we half-heartedly practiced. But as a teenager, I would never had considered owning, let alone reading the Bible. It would have felt “too holy” which I know sounds completely stupid but I’m being honest. Vaguely I recall that my mom had a Bible which she kept under the bed. My dad would have teased her if he found her reading it. When he died, my mom got the Bible out from under the bed and we searched for some Bible verses to use in his funeral. 


At last count, we own at least 22 Bibles. Many of them have a sweet story about how one of us acquired a particular Bible. 

A Soldier’s Bible was given to Nate during Beast



For example, during Beast, Nate got a small, pocket-size Soldier’s Bible which helped him survive those dreadful days. 


Lu, Nate’s gf, gave him a Spanish Bible during his first trip to El Salvador. 

Lu and Nate in El Salvador

The Hubs offered one of his many Bibles to an owner of a local coffee house who said he didn’t own one. 


When my father-in-law moved locally, he blessed us with this Bible heirloom.


I love that we don’t just possess The Word. We claim it as truth. We read it, talk about it, study it. 


Things have changed in our family, the family the Hubs and I have created and our extended family too. There is no longer any shame in reading The Word. There is no awkward hush if you mention something you learned during a Bible Study. There isn’t a judgmental whisper because you believe every word to be true.

Here’s Ike holding one of his Bibles

Hebrews 4:12-13
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.


As much I want Aaron to faithfully do his morning chores, I think he has successfully mastered a much more noble task. 

Getting back to me

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There’s nothing that gets me more in the writing mood than sitting in a doctor’s office waiting for a person who’s having a colonoscopy! Not sure what about this experience is inspiring me but to hear my fingers tapping away on the keyboard feels good. The chair I’m sitting in is ridiculously uncomfortable so I need something to get my mind off of the 90 minutes I’ll be here. I mean, there’s only so much tv I can watch and I’ve read the entire paper. I’ve checked facebook too many times already, so I thought I’d do something productive.
Since my last post, I have debated whether to write much about what I’ve been doing. I haven’t wanted my blog to be medical or pitiful but I have been struggling with health issues lately. One has been fibromyalgia (a new diagnosis), the other is depression (a recurrent battle). Not sure which one came first but after dealing with ongoing pain and feeling utterly hopeless, I dragged my sad self to the rheumatologist and started crying. I was at the point of terrible despair and when I left her office, I felt like I had a chance at a normal (whatever that is) life. I began some medication, made critical lifestyle changes and those things have helped me tremendously.
During this time, I asked the Hubs to pray for me. I know he has. He has asked others to pray for me and I’m sure he’s felt clueless on how to help me. When I wasn’t sure how much lower I could go and spent wayyyyyy too much time on the couch, I started to feel afraid that I was going to break my foot again. I felt unstable on my feet and envisioned another injury. I would hang onto a chair railing or the Hubs for fear of falling. Literally, I have found myself leaning on the Hubs. He, along with the Lord, have been my strength. He has made me laugh, supported me in every way, I love him dearly.
It’s been about three weeks since my doctor appointment and I was overjoyed when recently, I found myself bounding effortlessly up the stairs. Part of “me” has been coming back. I am walking without fear emotionally and physically!
And I have been exercising. I learned that it is absolutely critical for me to stay physically active. My doctor recommended this DVD and I began doing it immediately. Although it is a little cheesy, I have been faithfully using it and noticing the results. If you are looking for an exercise program that is adaptable and encouraging, I think these are great! Exercising in the comfort and privacy of my own home has been a better choice for me than the gym at least for right now.
Recently I was talking to my oldest OS and in previous conversations, I shared with him that I had really been struggling. Since he’s a young, busy man with his own life, I wasn’t sure if he recognized his mama’s plight.
But I was wrong.
We were talking on the phone recently and I said, “Nathan, I have something to tell you…” My OS made a dry-witted, West Point tough comment and I interrupted him, “Seriously, Nathan, listen to me. I want you to hear this. I am feeling better.” Then I heard words I wasn’t expecting.
“That’s great, Mom. I’ve been praying for you.” Oh, dear friends, I nearly dropped to the ground with thankfulness. He said something else to me also. “I’ve had some of my buddies praying for you too.”
The only thing sweeter to me than the thought of a group of Soldiers/Cadets praying for me is the image of my precious OS sitting around with his buddies and caring enough to ask for his friends to do so.
About the same time that I had seen the doctor and began implementing changes, my boy was lifting his struggling mama up to the Lord. I’m sure the things I have improved in my health but I also know that God’s Word is true.

Matthew 18:19-21 (New International Version)
 19“Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”
The colonoscopy is over, things went well. I need to go walk a couple of miles in my bedroom but it feels good to be back and sharing. More later on Nate’s television “appearance” and other life events. 

Hoarders, part two

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And now for a deeper hoarding issue…


The washrag is gone. I am ok with it. At times I feel silly like, seriously, Cindy, get a grip. It was a stupid washrag. A Barney washrag at that. I probably spent less than $2 on the thing. And if I’m being real here and it’s my blog so I can do with it what I want, I am pushing away feelings of sadness that the threadbare Barney washrag is loosed from my home. It has absolutely no emotions, no nerve endings, it was a totally inanimate object but if I allow myself, I can feel sad for the washrag. Like it’s missing me. Just being real here.

Which then evokes feelings about other things I miss or anticipate missing. Loved ones who are gone, children who are growing, family members who are aging or ill, friends that disappointed me, hopes, dreams, the list goes on and on.

Which then brings forth feelings that I sometimes hoard.

Resentment, fear, bitterness and anger come to mind. Because of Christ, I have had great victory in this area. Nothing of my own doing, that’s for sure. Before coming to know the Lord, my list of hurts was very long. I embedded a lot of pain and used it as a weapon when necessary. But God in His faithfulness, not only removed all the items on that list, He also took care of the even longer list I had created for myself. Sins that are none of your business, others that I have shared here on this blog and publicly.

So I’m learning to let go and clean up. And like the clients featured on Hoarders, to maintain order, one must be vigilant. It doesn’t take too much time for physical and emotional issues to pile up. I must make room in my home and in my heart for new things. Getting rid of the Barney washrag was something the Lord prompted me to do. I hung onto it for days and had it near the trashcan and it took days for it to go. Something that weighed mere ounces suddenly was too heavy to move. Until last night, that is.


Enter dreamlike sequence…

Years ago, I found a diary from middle school. Not much was in it but the usual 12-13 year old girl drama. However, amidst the boy crazy musings, I flipped through the pages and discovered an entry about a family member I chose not to name. In this entry, I wrote about an especially mean thing this person had said to me. Now 3o years later, I held the pages in my hand and it was excruciating.

In my middle school girl’s handwriting; my adult woman’s eyes fixated on those nasty words. What was I to do? I brought the diary to my husband and showed him the entry and started crying. I am a frequent crier. Don’t believe me? Click here and here and here and here and here.

I didn’t need that memory or that reminder but how could I throw out MY diary??? How could I let that go?

It was then that the Hubs offered to do some-thing I could not do for myself. In a beautiful act of love, he offered to throw it away. I nodded and I never saw that diary or those words ever again.

The diary, the Barney washrag, old wounds and hurts need to be discarded. It is time for a new season. Those items were weathered and useless. I can no longer cling to them.

Tears are welling up in my eyes as I type but I need to share this. Maybe it’s just for me and this is a completely selfish post but if it’s for you, let me give you permission, let it go. Whatever the “it” is. Let. it. go.

A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under heaven:


2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away…